♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
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Friday, August 27, 2010, 10:02 PM
Remembering the days back then, when we made the promise of staying together and leaving together. But till date, when he tells me that he wants to leave, I didn't have the thought of leaving together. I know I would leave one day, eventually, but just not now.For now that I'm working with people I used to enjoy working with, I'm really enjoying. There's jennifer, lau is back, zin maung is my gossip partner, luqman is my something wrong ahboy. What's more I need to ask for?
And in fact, yes, because he pursuaded me to stay. But when I work with him, I dislike it. He's no difference from Joshua though. And I seriously don't understand, he's a cook 2, I'm also a cook 2, why do he have to bark at me? When I'm just merely doing my work, whatever he barks at me, wasn't my responsibility?
The thought of me enjoying my work now, makes me think of staying slightly longer. Though I may not learn much, but seriously my mind's thinking 'why is there a need for me to be someone well known? Which isn't necessary in anyway. I just want to be someone, who makes a difference in others life. I don't want to be look up, or even kind of like worshipped type of person. I just want to be a normal person, to live, to work, to earn money, to love.' That's all I asked for.
After working with him, I kinda look down on him. Yes, he can do food, but he doesn't know how to organise his people. He can use food, but he doesn't know how to control his ingredients. He still could tell me, saying that he dislike paper work, he just wanna be a chef in a small restaurant. But if you can't even bloody organise your people, and talk to your people nicely, how could you be a chef in the first place?
Sigh.
I don't know what more to say. But it's like I'm just passing day for day. I just want the money.
Thursday, August 26, 2010, 9:27 PM
This is so badddd!!!!July, mp3 died on me. August, first time ever, I lost my phone. I was upset about mp3 as it was a gift I worked hard for during my O level. I am still upset over my lost phone, because all memories is in that phone. All the pictures and all the contacts of my beloved chef's is in that phone.
What more to come? I don't know.
Well, as for work. The other time Danny pulled me in. And as expected he'll leave me behind for sure. It's okay, I still have my shifu around. But just that I'll leave, just god knows when.
Now Lau is back in action with us.He's damn fun a person to be around. He used to be rather quiet. But I don't know what happened to him. Come back work with him 3 days only, bicker like mad.
Well, my life, we shall see again.
Monday, August 16, 2010, 1:28 AM
I don't know what's the fucking problem with me. Like seriously. Went work with a average mood. Then my mood slowly changed negatively. Till now, my mood went down the drain, mind's off. It seems just like I can't remember what I just did at work. I need a life. My life's so dead now. One thing is because I'm trying to save. The other is, others got their own life, just only me, I don't have one. Fml.I had so much in mind just now. But till I come to my blog, I don't know what to say.
I'm tired of having to double check every single thing before I leave. I'm tired of clearing shit for people. I'm tired of cleaning up when people mess them up. I'm tired of being the last one to leave the kitchen these days. I'm tired of having to photocopy those bloody shit papers just because people only use. I'm tired of talking things out, since nothing works. I'm tired of being played on just because I don't have the power to put on a challenge. I'm tired of being nobody.
It just happened that I got into a foul mood just now at work. And yes, I wish I could jump down from the 31st floor.
And can people just stop bringing my morale down for a moment and better off forever. I just wanna learn as much. Not just learning for skills, I'm just experiencing life. Just let me get down with it alright?
I don't know what the fuck I'm stress with apparently. I'm not really physically tired. I'm mentally tired.
I needa breathe.
Was chasing the bus just now, and I ran. Couldn't run much with sucha jeans that drops every 3 steps. But I tried running as much as I could, I never thought the pant it gave, was so good. I wished I had ran home instead.
I just want a shoulder to lie on, why is it so tough to get one? :'(
Saturday, August 14, 2010, 10:57 AM
There seems to be some confusion in my feelings, between work and personal life. Damn it! Why still go into it, when somehow I expect it would happen?!
Fml.
2:25 AM
不知正么了，这几晚，眼泪会制动的落下来。:'(
Thursday, August 12, 2010, 2:54 PM
What's wrong with me? It's like suddenly, during a more free time, I'm starting to miss him again. Just what's wrong? I thought I've let go sometime back, but now I'm back to square one, right back at the starting point.
回到原点。
11.15pm.
今夜我又这么了？为什么想起过去的回忆，眼睛竟然是湿湿的， 心里酸酸的？
但，我早已忘了之前那开心幸福的感觉了。
12:00 AM
Met up with Simone last saturday. oh god, it had been so long! I really enjoyed myself. Some updates for each other, it was a good day though.My back hurts badly these days. Was wondering was it my injury. I daren't go to the doc, because I believe, doc would ask me go x-ray, and there's no cure for it, only I, Lim Pek Xi Pamela, gets out of this line. Stop working as a chef. Which is close to impossible, like seriously.
That day, mone asked me questions. 'How's 'he'?', 'you still like him?' I don't know, but the questions keeps churning in my mind. It's likely to be just a crush. Yes, probably I don't like him anymore. I don't know where my heart is now. There's only work that I could think about. I don't want a man, in the same line as me. I know our opinions sure flip. And people wouldn't like the serious me at work, cos I'm a total bitch, if things are under my control.
But for the lonely nights, lonely train journeys, early breakfast. I miss him. Really. It had been long since I had nice chats with him. It seems as though there's a missing piece in life. Dinner no longer feels warm without him. Train journey's always lonely. Breakfast doesn't feel spirit-lifting.
I miss you. Be it as a friend or someone special.
Thursday, August 5, 2010, 1:24 AM
So...It'd been quite some time since I updated.. Doubt anyone reads this blog anyway, because I always neglect then I come back once in a while.
As usual nothing much for me to update though, because it's all about work. I'm rather happy at work now, although everytime kena thrown to die like that. But I know I can manage.
My right eyes had been twitching. Since last thurs/friday. Even till now. It's still twitch occansionally. I can say more than 10 times a day. Two days ago, I realise it twitch, then my right eye can't see clearly, my vision runs. Then if I wear specs, it still twitch, but lesser. And eyes feels more comfortable.
My thought was today(4/8), if it still persist I'll go to the doc. So early in the morning, twitching wasn't bad, whole morning only once or twice only. Then only when I got to work, it couldn't stop twitching! Pissed off. Make me so uncomfortable at work. Cutting things then suddenly my eye lid keep twitching alr! Sigh. Tml wake up, eat already, go doc then go work. Sigh. Why my eyes like that?!
I'm so allegic to work. Only to work, then my eyes twitch. Lol.