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Pamela Lim
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Friday, October 31, 2008, 10:01 PM
So damn boring these days. Come online also nothing to read. Peeps didn't update their blogs.Anw, I got a feeling that one of the girls, is dating my host mentor? She tell lies to a certain extend, but she doesn't know that she leak out some parts, that her lies does not tally. And all the other girls know about it, except for me. Ehs, next time tell lies, wrap everything nicely, k? She calls her partner mr hammy. Then nas today when she talk, she was like just now mr hammy, er i mean JT(my host mentor). Yar, so see the leak there? LOL. Go cling on to him for all you want. Get all benefits from him if you want. If lets say you and him are really together, as a teacher and student in a BGR, then you get all the benefits and etc, lol, all i can say is 'cheap'. I'm not calling her that lar, but just that if she's with him..etc...
But anyway, they don't tell me, I ask they lie with leaks, then let it be lor. It's not my problem anyway. Why should I care? If she were to tell me, she would had said. Nvm lar. Don't tell also good. Next time when she in trouble, I don't need to bother because I don't know who is that guy. LOL.
And oh ya, I use to find this girl good friend to be. But her character sucks. She may be doing something infront of you, next minute, she turn around and stab you at the back. And so is the other 3. For the 2 girls, I find them still ok. Now they may seems good with me, I would never know when I've been stabbed. But hack lar. I now happy can already. I don't mind how people see me. As long as I know who am I, is good enough.
*Don't need to judge me, because I wouldn't give a shitty damn about it. Because, I know where I stand, and who I really am. Don't bother messing with me, because you'll just end up messing yourself only.*
Oh, told sis I want a PSP for birthday instead. I don't need a Hp, I don't need a camera. I know I already have DS already lar, but I just want a PSP. Don't ask me why the hell I'm wasting these money, but yar. If I get my PSP, it'll be my baobei already. And no worries, I know my limit, I know when to play when to study.
*Peeps, if you know where I can download totally free games, without any 1time fee, please let me know. Thanks!*
WEE~ I love weekends. you should know the reason lar. ;)
Thursday, October 30, 2008, 10:09 PM
I'm blogging again.The photo that I posted up, is something I did for people whom I regard as Friends.
If you like it, can just take.
I didn't put the copyright there.
But then, please don't claim that copyright belongs to you.
Because others know it belongs to me(:
Alrights, after much consideration this afternoon.
I've decided to let things be it's way.
As in, I'm not gonna hint him or tell him anything.
I know I'm not prepared, so do I know that he won't be able to handle.
If lets say he knows that I like him, and he feels the same, he would ask me.
However, if one day he doesn't ask, I know the answer itself.
So Pamela, don't fret over this anymore.
Let nature takes it's course(:
My demand for him became more as time pass by.
I don't know why did it become like that.
Maybe because birthday is coming, so I'm expecting something.
HAHA! maybe that could be the case.
Perhaps, this guy will be my best birthday present.
Just which birthday.
LOL! think too much already.
Fucking sian today. No school.
Then end up at home rot.
Then afternoon do project, count until head burst already.
Then till now, haven study yet.
Tomorrow test already lehs....
10.30am somemore. 5chapters, all untouched.
Goodbye~
1:26 PM
Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 9:02 PM
*yawns*I'm so tired.
Regarding the previous post, shall not say who it is refering to.(:
Tomorrow is a self-declare holiday. Because on thursdays I go schoold only for practical, but tomorrow practical lesson is cancelled. Maybe got to do that damn Menu Planning Project. Damn shit. I dislike projects man.
I understand that I'm not standing alone in this world. There are people standing by me. But seriously, the ups & downs in life, makes me so tired and worn out. And now that sis has got someone to accompany her, she sometimes seems to forget about me. I don't know if she had. Don't wish to know either. And friends, I wonder, why are those best friends of mine, isn't next to me everyday. And why is it that I got to face tiring people everyday? I also want to be like my sis. Got a guy who accompanies her for days. Heard from mum that this guy is actually waiting for her. Now fine lor, never say together still friends, good lar, she like him, he likes her. Why I don't see similar thing for me? The 'He like her, She like him' thingy, is happening to people around me - Simone, Wanying, Sis. Y not me? Or is that time isn't here yet?
Sigh.
Today's IS is quite fun though. Sort of a mystery basket. But he got tell us what dish he wants us to whip up. Got no idea how to do those dishes, anyhow whack, then still quite nice lehs. hehe. I love the charsiew chicken sauce. Nice Nice.
Hmm... I wonder how is he doing today, how is he feeling. It's that lesbian's birthday today. Hope he is coping. And concentrating, don't wish that he gets fuck inside.
That's all for today lar. I got nothing to blog already.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008, 11:02 PM
After some reflection:I'm sorry if I've annoyed you these days.
I know you won't feel good with me apologising.
But allow me to do that, or else I don't feel good either.
I've talked alot of somewhat nonsense, maybe you cannot take it already.
I feel somehow rather weird.
I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong, alrights?
Don't ask me who I'm talking to.
But someone whom I treasure alot.
8:17 PM
I'm feeling so damn bored today.Had my POC test just now. I whacked the paper like nobody's business.
I see question, I just whack.
For the following, I'll be blogging about what's in my mind. Nothing happens, and I'm feeling alright. So no worries.
I had been thinking. Is clarence just a crush of mine. Or is it those type whereby I really fell for him already. Though friendship had been 5 years, I don't seems to know him yet. Simone told me that I'm the only one that can answer this question. But I'm confuse over it.. Many would have asked me, what is it about this guy that you like? He is eccentric, etc. And also when I tell my other guy friends, they said they hate this type of guy. I myself don't know, what is it that I like about him. As what I know, I sub-consciously fell for him, I didn't know when I started to have that feeling. This guy is different. I understand that he is more femine. I can admit that I abit impatient already. Afterall, waited for quite sometime already.2years? 3 years? around there bahs, I myself don't know.
Yar lar hor, I'll just wait and see how it goes. I wish to know what's in his mind sia. Somehow, I really wish to know. I wonder if he knows how i think. 'cos I read on seventeen(magazine), there's this guy who said, 'if you girl like a guy, tell him or show through actions, don't hint. Guys are bad at catching hint.' I think my showing is quite obvious, just don't know if he sees it or not. But yet, I don't like to take other guys words into advice, he is different from them. AIYA, I DON'T KNOW LAR. Stupid ehs, I like him, yet waiting for him to return feeling and make a move. WTF! Don't care lar. Wait wait wait...
Told mum how I feel about sis's situation. Told her what I told her and what's her reaction. I told mum I don't care already. Since my sis reaction is, 'Outsiders can only comment, can't control her.' So I told her she's only a outsider of my life, ask her don't care about me. Fine ar, sister now also outsider, mother also outsider. Is like WTF! I've done my part, I've told her about my sixth sense. And she knows very well, my sixth sense quite accurate. If let's say, anything happen to her, she get hurt by that guy, I won't go find that guy. I won't stand up for her. Because, I've already warn her, she doesn't take it, then let it be. I don't wish to bother. She grow up already, she have her life. Since she already say, there's nothing I can do, then I don't see the point I care anymore.
I feel empty these days. It's like, everything doesn't seems right to me. And my feeling tally. I may be too sensitive or whatever it is. I just don't feel right. Everything seems weird to me. *I'm not emo-ing or whatever* I just feel strange. It's very long since I have such strong sixth sense. And my sixth sense is leading me now. I'm following my heart and not my mind already.
12:26 AM
I went out just now, for project.Then later on we had some fun, then a long chat with Zhihao.
There's something going on between his relationship with Rhica. All I can say, they're not stable yet. I can't say out my point of view just now, I'm the least experience among them. Why would I say that they're not stable? Their relationship is so easily affected by outsiders, they do not have enough trust from each other. I have alot of thoughts about them now in my mind. But I just doesn't know how to express them out. Things got to sort out between themselves. And thrashing out session is not for them. Because of one thrashing out session, their relationship would blow. They need more time to understand each other, from my point of view lar. Maybe to them, they may think that they know each other very well already. But the earth is turning, people's characteristic changes as time pass by, bit by bit, day by day. Understanding one person is never an easy job, it's a job that goes on till he/she dies.
And past few days, I was just thinking. Rhica and Zhihao had been quarrelling, and when they quarrel, it's obvious. Ria with Yik Kiat also a period of time already. They knew each other also not long, don't they have problems like Rhica and Zhihao? And today from what I've heard, they just seems happy, but instead Yik Kiat isn't happy at all. He had been bottling things up in his heart. But afterall, it was his choice to be with Ria. And probably this is his 1st relationship, he doesn't know how to express himself in the relationship. Or because he is too afraid to loss Ria, afterall, it took him so long to get into the 1st relationsip.
So much about relationship. Look at the people around me. The happier ones will be Wanying, Simone. But school side lehs, all seems so unhappy. Yes, there's happy moments and unhappy moments. However, why there's so much difference? I know lar, Simone and Wanying also have unhappy times. But see, the way people handle things are different. I don't know how to say it lar, but people who read this, most likely you'll get what's in my mind.
Seeing such examples, I'm quite afraid of getting into relationship now. See my family, those who know would know. Be it the person whom I'm looking forward to is Clarence or other guys, I'm still scared. And when I was doing some quizes this afternoon, I realised, how much I don't know about him. Just some general habits I know about him. What else? Let me test myself.
What I know about clarence?
-He likes japanese food.
-Dislike oily food due to weak stomach.
-Isn't very close to family.
-He is creative.
Aiya, I cannot think of anymore already.
Although these few days, the time with him online, isn't alot, but I still enjoy it. Not much topic to talk about, because he's leading mundane life. This afternoon he asked me, what am I going to do for the day. I'm happy he asked that. Maybe it's normal for him to ask his friends lar. But it was special for me to hear that from him. Because it's the first time.
And I might be going Genting for birthday, not sure yet. Depends on Bro. I told him I don't want go eat, everytime also go eat. Very sian eh. Then might go Tioman with Simone, once mum nod her head and say go. Most likely she'll allow. Her words today showed me that she trust Simone already.
I seriously got no confirmed plan for birthday yet. I don't feel like having a big celebration kind of thing, yet I wish I get surprises. HAHA! Contradiction again. Maybe my friends would have plans for me? I don't know, no one date me yet. Or maybe NOBODY would even ask me out. It doesn't matter lar. Wanying told me that day, she feel like asking clarence out on my birthday and celebrate together. Yes, I'll be over the moon, but damn paiseh. BUT STILL, NO CONFIRMED PLANS.
Alright, I talk alot already hor, what a long post.
Going to sleep soon already. Later waking up earlier to study. Just now never study at all lor.
Monday, October 27, 2008, 12:36 AM
Why is time passing so fast, even without you?Sunday, October 26, 2008, 9:28 PM
Went shopping today. Ate Ayam Penyet for branch. Headed to Orchard to buy my Dinosaur bag. Then did a little shopping, i bought a new paring knife(mine dented), and 2 polo tee from WH.Here's the pictures of my Dinosaur bag, it's really big.
Saturday, October 25, 2008, 11:43 PM
This post is for you(you know who you are).I don't know if you get to read it.
I believe you're not so stupid to that you can't tell my feelings for you.
I say it in my blog, I didn't tell you on the one-to-one basis.
And I believe, you would have ways to my blog, so you'll be able to read anything and everything. Including those about you.
I didn't see you online last week Sunday, and even now.
When I normally see you online.
I don't know is it because you're really not online, or you blocked me.
Whichever way it is. I don't care.
But please, if you ever get to read this, or comes to my blog,
there isn't a need to avoid me, friendship is still there alright.
It's fine with me, if you don't share the same feeling/ thinking.
Still friends alright.
I'm fine if you just let me know how you feel.
I'm fine with it.
I may get hurt or whatsoever, but i'll be fine after some time.
As I said before, I never regret of you being my pillar of life, if you're not mine.
;)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 8:14 PM
Came to a conclusion after these days.and it is: HECK CARE.
Seriously, why bother man.
anw, saw my horoscope thingy on facebook for today. And it does tally. Here's what it says:
Tuesday, October 21
Family and friends are a bit cranky right now and almost nothing you say can change their minds, so why bother? Getting a little time to yourself is terrific therapy and it will keep you out of the range of someone else's sharpened fangs.
So yea, HECK CARE.
I don't know where my redness come from. But all I know is, my state of mind wasn't stable for the past few days.
No work on sundays till futher notice. Don't know what does this means. I heck care alr also. I just so can't be bothered now.
Monday, October 20, 2008, 11:14 PM
Back here to post.Thanks friends for the encouragement.
Anyway, today back to school. Gotten new project, and deadline is next friday. Quite heavy a project though. And it has a weightage of 10% for that subject.
Sigh.
This Saturday night actually asked sis if she wants to go for buffet. I'm going take it as an investment. But I don't know, if can even make it there, because, who knows, last minute put aeroplane again.
And what the hell haojie wants from me now again. Saying that I got back the girls I don't want him? WTF?! then say this morning ask me teach him I don't want? Sigh. I really got nothing to say. I told him that this few days not I don't want to play with him, but got prob at home. so no mood. He says I got reason one. Whatever it is. I wrote this to him:
let me just repeat myself ok. if i can help i will help. but i myself, also not clear, so how am i suppose to teach when i myself cant save myself. u sure say i got reason. but believe it or not is up to u. i've repeated myself alot of times le, until i dun wan repeat alr.
I really bursting already. Why can't he just understand how I feel. Already tell him I'm troubled, yet he's shitting on me again?! WTH! I really don't know how to talk to him already. Tell him nicely, he don't understand, being harsh on him, he doesn't understand. So what am I suppose to do? Sigh, probably it's time for a break.
Sunday, October 19, 2008, 1:58 AM
Now I'm at home, and i just feel like blogging. I may get emo or high, depending on what's on my mind. So, if you're not interested, then skip this post.I don't know why, lately I had been going onto a emotional rollercoaster. And I really mean it. It's like, I get annoyed and irritated over small matters, and it really does pissed me off. Also, out of no reason, I can feel really low. And it seems like lately, nothing seems to cheer me up. I feel troubled, but no idea about what. I wish to go out, but i have no companion. Even if I'm able to find one, there's isn't common topic between us. Sigh.
God, please tell me what's wrong. I seems to have lost my way home, and I ain't equipped with the sense of direction. I know, there's no one who can bring me back, they can only be there with me. I've got to find the way home myself, alone. Flashing back, my route seemed dark, like a tunnel, but yet with little torch.
I really feel lost now. And I don't know if I am.
And since I'm feeling this way lately, I had a dream this morning(saturday). Let me just share.
Here's my dream:
I was walking on the pavement with a handbag, at a private housing estate. Then out of the sudden, I wasn't feeling comfortable with my bra, so i adjusted it, then my bra strap snapped, and it wasn't a strapless bra, so I can't do without the strap. Then just nice when i was looking awkard holding my bra, a uncle came pass. He said, come to my house, I'll give u some clothes. Alrights, when I went with him, his house was big. Then I met his daughter, who is quite big size(like me), his grand-daughter, and his wife. His wife speaks teochew(which i understand but cnt really speak). Then he went into the kitchen to prepare food with his wife. His daughter came to me, passed me a bra, pink, silky bra. It looks big to me at 1st, but it fitted me just nicely, and it's so comfortable. I went to the toilet to change, and their toilet is so big. A bathing area(raised up platform), the toiletbowl, the sink, that's it. Then I went into a bedroom. It's so big and nice. A very countryside feeling to me. Well furnished, and the lighting is warm and comfy. I was then made to stay for a meal. Then I woke up already.
I wonder what does this dream means. It seems like I've met a beneficial when I'm in trouble. And this person is really nice and kind. If someone ever can solve this for me, please tell me.
And my blog is becoming clarence aw. He is no longer there to listen to my crap shit. So now whenever I need someone to talk to or whatsoever, I'll come to my blog. Not that I don't want find people to talk to(esp my pillars), but then, I just don't wish to be grumbling to you guys. At least, I blog it, you all can choose to listen to my story or not.
Sorry readers, that i'll be bringing you guys on an emotional rollercoaster.
I hope that my dream is actually reflecting on my current stituation now. Hoping that there will be someone good out there to pick me out of the diificulties I'm facing.
12:38 AM
Currently sitting in AMK macdonals' enjoying my cup of mocha frappe. Went out with classmates just now, go mhd sultan there makan jap food. And now my stomach is like washing machine already.I just don't feel like going home so early. If not i seems so locked up. I want to try Waruku de Pasta one day.
Simone, glad that you enjoy the trip. Disappointed that i couldn't make it there.
Friday, October 17, 2008, 9:36 PM
I feeling so imprision now. Because of the coincident of illness, I'm being locked up in the house. Plans for tomorrow also cancelled. New plans, end up cancelled too. Sigh. I'm feeling so @#$#@$ now.I'm super duper fucked up with Haojie can. It's not that I want to turn down his invitation to go out or whatsoever. I already told u my reason why I can't make it. I know u want joke with me. But can you just know when's the right time when's not?! FUCKER! You're really just another nb fucker can. Why the hell would u make me sound as though I'm that bad?! I say can't go, then like as if by saying that u can make me go. Stop it lar hor. Childish freak. If people alr tell u can't make it, why force the issue man.
And ok, this is what I want to say to Haojie, but I wont say it to him. Let me just say it in my blog.
Haojie:
"I know you're a nice big brother. And i told u before everyone have a little childishness within them, just weather they show it or not. Stop showing me your childishness. I understand, but that doesn't mean I would put up with it. I don't talk to you because there isn't a topic. And then, you put the fault on me, saying im the one who started to be cold with you. But have you ever done some reflection about it? What's happening? I know you like to joke/play a around. I can play, but please, know your limits. And today, I told you I got LS since yesterday night, then you don't even bother asking me how am I, then say tomorrow will okay already. Please lar, where got people just recover only then skip the rules. And I flare up at you. I believe this isn't the 1st time. But really, I cannot take it anymore. And you always say I don't understand, then why the hell are u telling me about what happened over the weekend? You and your ex had sex. Which I'm not surprise at all. And having ex with partners is between the 2 of you. Why the fucking hell you told me? It's private and confidential sia.
I'm really sorry, if I'm at fault at times. To think of it. You seriously don't know my pattern yet. Stop thinking that I know you well or whatsoever. 'cos I don't. And let me tell you something really crude. You english really sucks. Told you to brush up. If you don't there's nothing I can do. And jess's too. I helped you to explain those messages she sent. I get what she means, but her language still sucks. I've already put it in e simplest form i can for you, yet you don't understand. And best, you dun understand you dun say. You say u understand. I hate liars. I really do.
Not saying that mine is rather good or what. But please, can you just improve on ur english, so at least i can understand u better?
Man are bastards. You belongs to one of those catergory. You just got on my nerves. If lets say, you hadn't say things like 'you dun understand', 'you dun understand me' and if you don't lie, and contradict your words, probably you won't. But too bad, you've got in because of these reasons. "
My blood really boiling now. Why did all this happen within a day?!
And this applies not only to Haojie, but everyone out there:
When I don't talk to you or be cold to you, doesn't mean i dun like you or things like that. it doesn't mean that friends have to talk to each other everyday. Why you all bother so much? Don't irritate me, I'll just leave you alone.
Simone, you asked me yesterday,
'Why I bully you, you don't treat me the way you treat your shatec friends lehs?'
I've got a answer to it now.
Your bully means teasing, and you know when's the right time when's not. And then, when I dun talk or my face is expressionless, you can tell if I'm troubled or plain boredom.
For them, their bully is backstabbing, and it's an atomic bomb type, you never know when the timer will go. And whenever I'm quiet, they assume I'm emo. They can't tell when's im really emo, and when i just prefer to be quiet.
Understand?
My blood is simmering already. Would be fine soon.
12:34 PM
Didn't go school today. Kena food poisioning, from yesterday's dinner. Alright, yesterday's outing has it pros and cons. We went to the jap restaurant with marche style at raffles city 1st, 'cos i was damn hungry. Then later on, went to NewUrbanMale to buy slippers. Simone wants a pair for the satuday walk. In the end, each of us bought 2 pairs, 'cos buy 3 get 1 free. Then on the way to suntec to buy my bottle, saw this France Sweet shop, that sells Ice-cream. It's damn heavenly, damn nice. People, you should try. It's located next to the exit of citylink to suntec.When we reached Suntec, I did something really dumb. I threw the ice-cream cup into the recycle bin inside to the rubbish bin. 'cos i threw when i was on the upriding escalator. We changed our slippers on the spot. Simone cheated my feeling. Say wear the green one, since both of us had the same. Then in the end, she wore her slim, which i don't want to wear mine. -.-
Before heading to the shop to get my bottle, went into Toy 'r' us, bought the hula hoop, finally. Was playing in toy 'r' us for awhile before i purchased the hula hoop. Went to buy my bottle. And as i walk, I played with the hulahoop like an idiot. Bought my bottle. Physco-ed by Simone, bought the same as hers. 1litre lehs.
Then I wanted to sing K, but Simone don't want. Then ok lor, go buy movie tickets for 20th Centuries Boys. While waiting for the movie, I was practicing hulahoop at the tibits bar. I was like a Bimbo shaking. It got really funny. The movie was disappointing. The air-con in the Cinema, was even more disappointing! Me and Simone is like as though we're in winter, without winter coats. It's fucking cold. Came out my bottle was filled with vapour, and my legs were numbed. The movie wasn't fantastic. But if got part 2, I'll watch, just for the ending. Maybe the movie isn't fantastic because we couldn't concentrate.
Went makan, where i got food poisioning from the food. Believe it's the chawamushi. Anw, unhappy things happened at the restaurant. So don't want mention.
Went walking to the bus stop to head home. I came out with stupid idea, asking Simone to hula hoop and walk to the bus stop. Then in the end, she did, awfully that i couldn't stop laughing. And the 2 of us, look as though we just came out of the circus or rather woodbridge. People just can't take their eyes off us. FUN YEA? Simone wants to do that again. LOL.
No pictures to be uploaded, 'cos Simone said they're ugly when uploaded into the comp. So i won't upload any pic(:
Today I think they will learn quite alot of things in prac. I wish i had gone, I missed the class, then later people know how to do, then I don't. Sad. So long never sick, now sick, then i miss so many things. I missed class/lessons, then tomorrow can't go for my 9km walk that i had been dying for.
I'm filled with disappointment. Thanks to the jap restaurant/cafe at suntec basement.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008, 8:39 PM
Is it because I had never given any attention to guys wearing army uniform or that lately I've just been wanting to bump into a particular person wearing that uniform? I've really been seeing alot, everywhere I go, that uniform catches my attention. And sub-consciously I had been looking around for guys in this uniform. Only lately that I've come to realise about it.Everytime I step out of my house, I'll keep a look out for these people, especially when I'm on the train and at AMKhub. I abit over-sensitive now huh? And I suppose I definately is. Let me just tell you a incident. I had caffeine overdose today. So I can't sleep, no matter how tired I am. So just now when I was in the train, I was sitting at the 2 seater seat. Then at, I think, Admiralty MRT station, there's this guy who came in and sat next to me. OMG, I open my eyes, was looking on the floor, I saw that this guy is wearing that green uniform. I was like 'omfg, it's the 2 seater seat, if only the one in that uniform was him.' I know I think too much, or bullshitting already. But I was really tired, and I just can't sleep.
So now I know, don't drink so much coffee. I will end up hallucinating. (:
Find myself so dumb arh? Wasting time waiting, thinking, spouting nonsense. HAHAS~ But like what Simone loves to say about me. 'Always say 'yar lar yar lar, i know' end up lehs, what I say also don't go into your brain' LOL! But that's me, right right Simone?
"If a couple meant to be together, they'll be together, no matter whichever party waits for how long" - Pek Geok(my sis)
So what's on my mind now is, if he's really that one and only guy I would have in my life, he would be one day. If he's not that one and only, then all I would say is, I never regret having him as one of my Pillars of Life.
There's alot more things for me to care for besides boy/girl relationship. There's others, such as Friendship, Family relationship, Public Relations, Studies, Careers. So what I'm trying to say is, Yes, I may seem like though I've been taking BGR as though it is the only reason I live for. But i know my priority. It's okay that I don't have a partner, but I can't stand, without my Pillars.(:
Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 9:34 PM
Today is Kamz's birthday.We had a mini 'celebration' with her.
'cus we thought cannot celebrate due to some reason.
Then end up, her mum called.
Ask us go lobby.
She bought cake, kfc and snacks.
Had celebration in class.
And little bit of party and sarbo-ing.
Enjoyed.
And because of today, i feel better with them.
Then went for class,
only matthew's class.
Sian lar, see his cramped face, KO alr.
Then end up playing application in my phone.
FaceWarp.
We were laughing our heads off at the back.
And it sort of killed our boredom a little.
Today's a better day(:
The sun is back shining on me.
Hopefully sun would stay a little longer,
before it leaves and shine on the others.
Anw, on my way home just now.
I was thinking, my wishlist for birthday.
So here's a wishlist, though is 1.5month away.
-Go Shangri-La for a buffet dinner(I can pay myself, not a prob, just need companion)
-If possible get to celebrate with him(but i damn paiseh)
-See my Pillars of life!
I dun nid big celebration.
I dun nid expensive presents.
I dun nid any donation, but if u want can lar! hahaha
I just want a meaningful one(:
12:14 AM
DeathI wish that i can be knocked down by a car;
goes into a coma;
die in a naturally.
I wish that i can jump from the highest floor of the blk;
die immediately.
I just wish that i get into accidents,
then i see death.
But i have no courage to take actions.
Existence
If abnormal people don't exist,
this isn't called earth.
If good people don't exist,
the world would be dumb.
Sunday, October 12, 2008, 9:57 PM
I'm fucking fucked up, pissed off.Never reply my sms, then when finally reply me,
in such a irritated tone.
HELLO?! You didn't reply my sms, and you're giving me that tone?
You got something wrong man!
And I believe, you didn't do the compiling.
Because you simpily told me to print what grace had done.
If you've done it, you would have e-mail straight after you're done.
What's the meaning of this man?!
Shitty fucked up.
And I'm sure you're showing me face tomorrow.
7:02 PM
Backed at winner to work.Familar place, familar desk and that very distinctive winner's smell.
Thanks poeple who told me not to give up, and to hang on.
But you know what, I'm really tired.
Saw on the news just now, about depression.
I feel as though I'm one of them.
Constant negative mood, constant insomia.
But what's not true is loss of appetite and lose of weight,
instead, this period i ate more than usual.
Am I a patient?
Saturday, October 11, 2008, 11:09 PM
I'm feeling better already.No worries.
Project settled.
9:33 PM
I feel like crying out loud now.I've got fear within me.
They called me up at 1+ this afternoon, ask me go do project.
They didn't confirm with me last night, and i gave my words to family that i'll be going out with them. So I didn't go do project.
But I did my research and typeouts, and e-mailed to them.
Then just now I msged, ask how's project getting on.
They didn't do project.
Then now, I sms them, asking what happened, but no reply.
Sms Ria, tell her I didn't recieve her e-mail, also no reply.
I'm afraid they say that I didn't do my part as a group member.
Sis said, maybe they go do theirs, then tell teacher I didn't help at all.
I don't know.
It concerns my studies.
I'm going back to Winner to work tomorrow already.
I feel very screwed up.
I'm feeling so tensed up.
My mind is rather corrupted now.
I can't think.
I don't feel like studying anymore.
I feel like stopping where I am now.
Just go out work, earn money, play and that's it.
I've come so far, and i feel like giving up.
I'm really tired of life.
Friday, October 10, 2008, 11:37 PM
Friends
Friends are precious.Precious like treasures.
Treasures with trust.
Trust in love.
Love with hope.
Hope that shine.
Shine like friends.
10:39 AM
Back blogging.For people like Simone, would have known what happen yesterday.
People tends to take it as I'm younger than them,
I won't understand(alot of things, what they think).
Alrights, the chat between me and haojie yesterday.
Haojie said that his latest ex, added a guy on friendster.
And this guy is a bad guy(ok, he literately use the words 'bad guy')
He also said that this guy fuck and run, he's a fucker.
Then I said, alrights, but it's her choice of making friends.
I know you're worried for her, probably they're just frens.
He said, this guy cannot be frens de. And I dun understand.
I told him again, probably they are friends, as long as she's not with him can le mar.
He said, I still don't understand.
I was pissed, because what i'm trying to say, he dun understand, and claims that i dun understand.
And I said, it's just friendster. I dun understand nvm. It's between you and her.
And hey, Haojie is 23 this year alrights.
And HELLO?! It's just friendster.
And what I'm trying to tell him is.
Yes, I know you're worried for her(she had been your girl for the past 4-5 years).
She has her rights to make friend and it's her choice.
Even if you two are still together, she still can be friends with that fucker guy.
It's her choice ultimately.
So now, you're no longer with her, the more you have no say.
And her adding that guy in friendster.
When using friendster, you have a choice to 'add as friend' or leave it.
And the opposite party have the right to decline a friend request.
Which means, now she and that guy are friends on friendster,
she have choosen to accept the friend request or added that guy.
Again, it's her choice.
If let's say, you're worried that she gets fuck by that guy.
She has the choice to protect herself.
Really.
She can choose to go out with that guy or not.
She can choose to go what type of place.
She can say 'no' to things.
Ultimately, again, it's her choice.
Why the hell are you making a big fuss out of it?
It's just friendster.
Not as though they have gone out together or whatsoever.
And you claims that I dun understand.
Maybe I dun understand what you're thinking or how you feels.
And really, I dun understand.
'cos I have a different point of view.
And let me say this, it's damn childish to be fretting over things like this.
Because, so what you fret, other's don't give a damn.
Nothing can be changed right.
I'll let you think or say whatever you want.
Let it be if you always think that I dun understand.
Because of the age gap or whatsoever.
I dun give a damn.
I have my stand.
Everything comes with choice.
And no one have the rights to interfere in the other's life.
Unless you're the parent of this person.
So what even if husband&wife, Bf&Gf,
they don't have the rights.
Even parents, they can't run your life, you run your life.
People can only advice you in life, and not run your life.
Thursday, October 9, 2008, 9:16 PM
Went to school, had my IS.Then came back home, went out swimming with sis.
So damn shag now.
Was trying to bring back my free-style stroke.
Abit difficult ar, but i'll train up.
And probably go do more exercise.
I'm motivated now to loss weight.
9:35 AM
I'm not like the girls.When there's something I'm unhappy with you,
I'll tell you, instead of going round collect informations.
I told haojie yesterday night.
That I dislike it that he keep asking me intro my friends to him.
It makes him sound so despo.
Then he say, 'I still dunno him well'
But instead, I know, he isn't such a person.
That's y i say don't do that, it'll just makes him appears as despo.
And I think I know why he and the previous girlfriend always quarrel.
It's like he uses the phrase, 'you still don't know me well'
It isn't very nice.
Lately there's no common topic between us.
He said I was cold to him.
Then ok lor, I warm to him, then he don't want reply me.
I don't know what came between us, but it seems weird.
And I find it hard to communicate with him.
Because, not saying that I look down on him because his english isn't good or what.
But really, he can't even spell a primary 1 word.
Sigh.
And that is how I have miscommunications with him.
I ususally type in english.
But he don't understand what I'm trying to mean.
He can't analyse my sentence proper, and end up analysing it wrong.
So a positive sentence, he tends to read it as negative.
And when I don't talk, doesn't mean I don't care.
Use your heart to feel my concern.
I seriously miss clarence.
The guy who never fails to understand what I'm trying to tell him.
Not like haojie, I got to repeat my sentence uptimes.
And even have to explain to him what I mean.
Talking to haojie is equavilent to talking to a pri2 kid.
Sigh.
Monday, October 6, 2008, 7:43 PM
I wish he's sitting right infront of me now.I can't imagine,
He is,
- Bald
- Very tanned
Oh gosh!
Sunday, October 5, 2008, 5:21 PM
Yesterday's outing(: Shall blog again...
HAHA!
Went swimming just now with shirley at the new pool at anchorvale cc.
Not bad, but was super duper crowded can.
Alot kids there.
Shirley dragged me to go play slides.
End up i did kena physco.
Tried one. Feel so malu lor.
Then we were at the Big pool, chatting etc.
Swim alittle, look at kids having lesson, look at guys.
HAHA.
Got tanned, real dark now.
HAHA, clarence got tanned too.
And he said he's very tan.
And he doesn't like it.
But I would like!
He likes to be fair,
which i don't like!
Alamak.
Different in view.
LOL.
He's going back camp soon, having his dinner 1st.
He said it's boring, so i counted down for him.
24months, 2 months gone.
Then he '....' me.
WTH!
I so good hearted to help him count lor, then he ... me.
He never knew, I'm also bored when he isn't around.
LOL!
1:25 AM
As known from the previous post.I went out with Simone and friends.
And met one new person called Sean.
He sells insurance, GE.
We had lunch at Waruku.
Then went to collect my pay, which was fucking corrupted.
Stupid lady.
Slow. Didn't let me collect my pay.
'cos what date don't tally.
Then bobian need call Chef Derick come settle.
Then she give me.
So paiseh, make Simone and Fay wait for long.
Then lehs, need take cab down to PS, on call somemore.
Watched Eagles Eye.
Not bad lar, quite exciting.
Seeing all the crashing and stuff.
LOL.
Then after that we did a little shopping.
Simone bought Meifang's b'day present.
Got 30% discount, in addition of my members' 10%.
But it's the thoughts that counts.
Had makan session at HK cafe.
After eat, sat there for quite long to chit chat.
Were talking how interesting Winner is.
And I realised that that 7 months that i was with them, was the peak period.
The most jokes and memories that can never forget.
Then how Fay and her sis are alike.
The way they talk, their actions.
Gosh, twin sisters.
LOL!
Was telling Simone on the way back.
How much i hate my sis last time.
And how i cried because of her last time.
And how much we disagree, how much arguements we have had.
She can't believe it.
And she can't believe how I talk to my mum.
Just like others,
outsiders cannot take it how i communicate with my mum.
People who doesn't know, always says that I'm rude to my mum.
But I'm not ok.
They were also talking about they resemble their parents.
Then i told them, I neither resembles my mum nor my dad.
So they ask me where am i from.
I told them, my mum say I'm from thomson medical centre rubbish chute.
And i accept that fact, cos i don't look like anyone of them.
LOL.
Did i blogged about my conversation with shirley yesterday?
I don't think i did.
Shall do it now.
So she asked me, How's love life.
Very random a question huh.
So i told her lor, it's clarence lar.
Then still waiting.
She asked me if either one of us took action.
I said nope. And I don't wish to. I rather maintain the good relation now.
Then she asked me again.
One sided not xinku mehs.
Of cos it is, but i like the good relation i have with him now.
So when the one sided the other party is him, it's pretty alright for me.
I told her, probably i'll just wait.
And i think the dumbess guy on earth knows that i like him.
Maybe I'll let him know how i feel 2 years later?
After he ORD. Probably lar, I also don't know.
Since already waited for so long.
Continue waiting lor.
If lets say things all started when i started questioning my feelings.
Then that will be when i'm sec2,14.
Now I'm 16 going 17.
It's like 4 years alr.
Another 2 more years, will be 6.
LOL!
but like what sis said, If the two are meant for each other,
no matter how long each party waits,
eventually, they'll be together.
Like uh-humph, one couple lor.
HAHA.
It's like 1.42am now.
And I'm waking up at around 7.30 later.
Then going for breakfast with sis.
Then going swimming with shirley and probably rebecca.
Had been hanging out so much lately.
HAHA,
Simone told me that today will be my first and last time that i'm going home so late when i go out with them.
LOL!
I going off le...
What a long post.
Goodnight!!!
Saturday, October 4, 2008, 11:43 AM
I'm blogging because i feels like it.haha.
Alright, he is out of camp.
I didn't know.
Think he was out yesterday night.
Because in facebook he joined a group.
I don't know how his schedule is like.
Neither do i want to ask.
Because, he doesn't like it.
Glad to see him online.
But not chatting.
Probably he's working.
Later going Panpac take pay.
Collecting my voucher from Weiliang and Mary.
Then can collect pay lo!
HAPPY~
Then after that catching movie with Simone, Fay, Fay's sister and Fay's sister's boyfriend.
HAHA!
I also don't know what movie we catching.
I shui bian one.
Let the adults decide.
HAHA!
Okie, current situation.
That dumbass keep signing in and out of his msn.
Think his connection got problem.
Or what, scared i don't know he online ar?!
Nothing to say already.
Bye Bye.
Friday, October 3, 2008, 11:36 PM
The 100th post!For the 1st time, my blog lasted me for so long.
HAHA!
Rhica confronted me today.
When I went into the class, I sat next to her,
She immediately took her bag and shifted.
Saying it out loud, "I don't want to sit there."
What ever it is, I suspected it's me again.
So I asked grace what's wrong with Rhica.
Say said, " I don't know. But heard that she wants to talk to you face to face. About Zhihao."
Then grace continued asking me, "What did you told Zhihao?"
I told her, I haven't been talking to Zhihao for so long already.
So after class, Rhica came to me.
Rhica:Did you said that I'm a princess type of girl and I can't take jokes?
Me: Yes, I did say that you can't take jokes, but that was months ago. I never say anything about princess.
Rhica: When was that when you said that about me?
Me: Ages ago, when school started not long.
Rhica: Ok, that time that incident, you apologised, I forgiven. If you want to be friend I'm ok. If you don't, let things be, don't talk behind my back, I don't like it.
Me: Erm, ok. But after that time that incident I stopped already.
Rhica: Ok, then have you told Zhihao anything?
Me: No, I haven't been talking to him for a long time already. If got talk also casual talk. Like yesterday in the kitchen he say sir pour the soap is not because the pot dirty, is because he just want us wash, then i just reply yar lor yar lor, like that only. Never talk in details.
Rhica: Ok.
I ended the conversation off by a shook of hands, i gave her a tap on the shoulder, and told her 'don't think so much'. And walked off.
Then she came to me, she said:
'We are all friends, I don't like it when we talk about others behind their back. Like whenever we got go out, I also got ask them if want ask pam along.'
I don't understand why the hack she explained this to me.
Probably they're guilty or whatsoever.
But I don't give a damn lar,
It's already the past.
I can't turn back the clock to do make any changes to it.
Learnt to let bygones be bygones.
I don't see the need for me to rank up the past to talk about it anymore.
Move on with life.
And I think the girls should also do that.
Unhappy with something I do today.
Then tomorrow just forget what I've done wrong and move on.
Why waste your time on something that can't be change lehs?
And for friends who are attached:
When your relationship becomes rocky,
it's a challenge between both of you.
And there isn't any other parties involve,
not even any other words that comes out from other people's mouth.
Relationship is between 2 people and not more.
Good relationship is when both parties pull through obstacles together hands in hands.
Rhica,
I don't know what happened between you and Zhihao.
But I'm sure I had never interfere between you two's relationship.
Believe it or not is up to you.
And please, don't let your relationship be affected by what others says.
What's more important is what you and Zhi Hao thinks.
People,
don't use me as a dang jian pai(shield) when things happens.
& don't judge me for who am i, till you swear you know me inside out.
Thursday, October 2, 2008, 9:29 PM
Realised I haven't been blogging for a week.Okay, so I've changed my skin again.
Just a plain one would do.
I like it this way.
HAHA, no more of those fancy pictures.
Anway, I don't know if Simone would get to read this.
Simone, your blog now it's getting so interesting alrights.
It's like a child's war between you and her.
And she really has got a Yong Tau Foo mind.
From my point of view,
The whole show now, there's only one actress.
Which is her.
The rest are all just watching.
Sigh, this type of thing,
MEI BAN FA lar.
LOL!
Wanying, don't worry about me anymore okay.
I'm just acting like an idiot now.
I just take it as nothing happens.
They don't say I just pretend I don't know anything.
I just smile to go by day.
There isn't a need to make myself so painful to go by day.
HAHA! I won't be troubled lar.
I just go with them as and when.
No need worry about me!
And when are we going to do the white chocolate and sliced almonds?
HAHAS!
And to Simone and Wanying,
When can we go 9km walk?!
Think i sound abit crude ar,
in my rules and introductions...
LOLS!
But seriously, I dun care.
I have my freedom of speech in my blog.
Because this is my blog.
Sian lar.
I want to look for part-time job.
Kitchen crew/staff.
Anyone got lobang, please PM me.
I miss casw,
He came back, but yet we didn't chat much.
His life inside there sure upside down for him lar.
It's totally opposite of what he used to have.
Poor thing.