♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
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Shatec Institutes
Diploma in Culinary Skills
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Sunday, August 30, 2009, 8:14 PM
Sigh.People who had worked with me, would know how i work.
I don't know why, now, at work. I'm completely a different person. It's seems like as though I'm never confident, I have no self-esteem. I become so blur, so slow, can't think, not observant. Then I kenna diao by people.
How have I became such a person? Just what had happened to me? My confidence level dropped right down. It seems as though I'm not confident in cooking. When I cook last time, I always have this special feeling, cooking something with a taste people can't tell what exactly it is- it's feeling. But why now, it feels as though I'm cooking, just to prove myself.
I don't want cook just to prove myself. I want to cook my feelings for people. Not just for the sake of cooking.
D: I want myself back.
Friday, August 28, 2009, 10:29 PM
I'm sad,I'm upset.Long story.
I'm fustrated.
I ate so much more than normal. Till I get tummy ache so often.
Fuck.
Thursday, August 27, 2009, 1:33 AM
I don't know if today is my day, or just not my day.Good thing is that I manage to finish the exec floor food, within the limited time. By myself.
Bad thing is that, when I was trying to do the plating for the curry puff ( I spend like the whole bloody night thinking, because my chef wants something new and refreshing), people laughed at me. I arranged the curry puffs nicely on the plate in a circular direction.
Then I asked, 'Can I put carrot in the middle?' John replied, 'HUH? Want put what?' I said, 'Carrot. Can or not?' They laughed. Speaking in cantonese which I can hardly understand. But sure was saying things like what put carrot later carrot don't-know become what. John said, 'Put paper then put some fried beehoon can already what.'
It was a immediate smack into my face. I swear. Though I'm just a trainee, but I can think for myself. Put paper, beehoon, chilli padi, curry leaf, so where's the difference? It's like playing so safe. And when I said I wanted to put carrot, anyone cared to ask, what type of carrot, how you gonna prepare the carrot? No. They laughed immediately, thinking it's stupid. You think I so stupid put raw carrot there, then got heating lamp then let the lamp heat until the carrot nua mehs? Please lor.
My idea was to take the shredded carrot, deep fry it till like crispy hard, kind of thing. At least, a little orange on the plate you see.
It's a white plate. The folded paper is black and white. Beehoon is white. Chilli Padi, red. Curry leafs, green. Curry puff, golden brown. Ain't it boring?
If it was my idea. Plate, white. Bottom I use bamboo leaf instead of paper, so green. Fried carrot instead of beehoon, orange. Chilli padi, red. Curry leaf, another shade of green. Curry Puff, golden brown. Isn't it a little more refreshing to the eyes, with the carrot?
Problem is, people don't see the way I see things. They don't bother to understand why I want to do things that way. Bottom line, they think I'm a trainee. I'm not experienced. I simply make a mess out of everything.
People, just wait alright. Your smack, I'll return it to you. With a hundred time stronger strength. I prove it to you, not with my words and laughter like how you did. I prove it to you with an invitation to sit in my restaurant to eat.
Even if I'm going into pastry and baking. My restaurant would still have hot food, savouries main course etc.
I wouldn't put myself at your level of doing things, it just bring me down. If forever staying on the safe side. I would say, I'm sorry, you ain't going anywhere.
BASTARDS!
Monday, August 24, 2009, 11:51 AM
Shooting
As usual, I'm reading young mummies' blogs. And I realised, why have more and more mummies, getting preggy again.So it's like first child, shot-gun, bo bian married. So since married already, why not help singapore government to increase their population issit? It's like after the girl give birth to first child, perhaps immediately or few months later, you see them announcing that they're gonna have the second child.Wha Eh! the husband damn good at SHOOTING can?! Maciam, shoot everytime, everytime good aiming lehs.
Or they no money buy condom?
muahaha!
Sunday, August 23, 2009, 1:04 AM
Question-Kid
People who knows me, would know that I'm a 'question-kid'. I can ask tons of question, common sense, this that whatever. I just want a answer, be it good or bad, if I not satisfied with your answer, I ask another person. Yes, I'm this kind of person, if you don't know. Ask my sis if you have to. Mum & Sis often get annoyed by my questions. But by asking all this stupid questions, or whatever questions, make me learn, make me think.I asked my chef just now, what's the herb in that dish, blah blah blah. What part of the meat is entercote, etc etc. Quite alot. Because they look foreign to me, they sound foreign to me. So I just ask.
Then suddenly a question came to my mind. Because I saw that bloody fly, flying around my food, infront of customer. I get annoyed, I hate flies. And everytime there sure have 1 fly flying around, which is really so irritating, that i have to keep shoo-ing it away. So I asked my chef, 'chef, do you know of any way to get rid of flies at such area?' I think he somehow got annoyed also la. He said, he not pest control, how would he know. Then he went blah blah blah.
After all the crap, he said, 'what other question you have for me? you ah, ask alot of all this have and dun have de question.' Then he starting singing the yi wan ge wei she me the song.
To some, may not know. I ask all this questions, is not nonsense lehs. Because I'm expected to be asked the same question, either by my kids next time, or someone younger than me. I asked him about the ingredients, and the beef parts, that's for my knowledge. And I ask about the fly, I wasn't trying to be funny though. Because I know, this is one problem that I may face in the kitchen in the future. Though kitchen would be indoor, etc, but still, there'll still be means and way the fly can get in. No matter how clean my kitchen is, the weather outside does affect these insects.
Sigh.
Why people cannot put themselves in my shoe? Why they can't understand why I ask such questions?
Only by asking questions I can learn right? If not I stand outside for like 4 hours, I learn what? At least I put an effort in observing what's in the food right? And I must know what part of the beef I'm serving right? Cannot wait until customer ask then I ask ma.
Ah, got once, I stand outside, I keep thinking lehs, the fried rice spicy not ah? Because it's Nonya stlye fried rice. Nonya usually spicy mah. But I never ask the chef. End up really got people ask me lehs. -.-
So you see, it's not about me trying to be funny to ask all sorts of question. It's because I know, if I were the customer, what kind of question I would ask.
It's all curiosity.
Thursday, August 20, 2009, 1:50 AM
I thank god that I've met sucha friend like Simone lehs. Really.Besides the few, I always go to when I face problems- wanying, clarence, jiayi.
This girl here never fails to appear when I really need to speak my heart out lehs.
Though everytime she would say the same thing repeatly in the same conversation over and over and over again, but due to the same 1-5 sentences she says, can make me think straight, clears my mind.
On a side note, something not that relevant.
I think I have spilt personality. I always can see other people's point of view. Even to the extend I would know how they think, what they want to say( i think simone may agree on this). I see things at MY point of view and theirs at the same time. Which everytime, caught me. Is this my hidden talent?
Take this away from me. I don't wish to have this 'talent'. I can be understanding. But I gets angry when this person doesn't understands my point of view. It's annoying.
Anyway, thanks Simone. If it wasn't for that conversation, I think tonight I can't sleep already. But it still feels alittle uneasy deep there.
12:59 AM
I'm troubled, I'm in a dilemia.I know clearly, it's never wrong to ask for a new task when the task on hand had finished. It's never wrong to ask, to double check if things are done up to standard.
However, the cook 1 bombed me with some words today. He told me this:
You've got to be independent. Don't everyday ask me got what need to do. Don't ask me questions over and over again. Someday you need to all this thing by yourself.
It's quite true. I'm not saying that he's wrong. But still... Hais, I don't know what to say lehs.
My mind is filled with alot of things after he said that. He made me think. Seriously.
But if I don't ask, I feels uncomfortable. Besides asking what to do, is this correct is that correct, etc. I often ask him what's this, what's that etc. He dislikes me to ask questions. He can't be bothered to explain so much to me. Often just thrown to things all alone, with no explaination, and to do it to perfection.
He's not at wrong, that I would say. Neither I think Im wrong to ask and ask. Even over and over again, since I'm not sure. I rather ask before I do, rather than I do wrong, later redo, waste food etc etc.
I really don't know. He compared me to other trainees, saying they don't ask that much, they just do.
AHHHHHH!!!
I don't know lah. they say not sure, ask. So I ask, now people tell me don't ask so much. SO HOW?
I'm in a dilemia :(
Though I relay on people rather much at work. But at least the rest are willing to answer my question, willing to explain.
:(
Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 11:56 PM
What happen to blogger now? Why look so distorted?Anyway, had been long since I last blogged.
So, I just got to know that the first day of hungry ghost festival is this thursday. Oh well, normally during this months over the years, I was told to come home early, when come home becareful, blah blah blah. And so, this whole week I'll be working afternoon. Which also means that I'll be home around 12.30-12.45 in the morning.
God bless me man. Furthermore tomorrow I would be home that timing. When all massive burning would be happening.
I'm not those superstitious person, I don't say totally believe nor totally doesn't believe. It's more of a rather be safe than sorry. Just pray for me, k. That I wouldn't run into things. :)