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Pamela Lim
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 1:51 PM
Current mood: =I don't know why, but people seems forever unhappy with me.
I heard, it's all misunderstandings.
Then why not, just come and tell me about it instead?
Why make it seems like it's such a proud topic,
to let anyone and everyone knows about it?
Are you very proud to let other knows that we have internal problems?
I doubt so right.
I don't know if you guys gets to my blog.
Maybe you did, by the links from my friends.
But can't the few of you to come to me instead?
Instead of talking behind my back.
I know the few of you ain't baddies.
No harm talking infront of me.
What are you all afraid of?
5 is to 1. I'm standing alone.
You all are bonded together.
No worries, I don't hide a knife under.
If let's say, you all are unhappy with me, because for the whole of that week, i didn't join you all.
Then i'll apologise.
1st thing 1st, I didn't join you all for studies,
because, i jolly well knows that i can't study in big group.
And I'll end up distracting people.
2nd thing, I went off without waiting or talking to you all.
I just want to come home to sleep and rot.
And seeing the few of you, face black black.
Of cos i don't dare ask you how's your paper lar.
I'm not pushing the fault to you all, I just want you guys to know how i feel that few days.
3rd, me with Soma.
I know i used to gossip about her too.
But lately she had been better isn't it?
And I go class 1st, I only see her, so i just sit down next to her lor.
That day, I wanted to have lunch, she wanted to have dessert, so fine, we went together.
4th, I went off on Friday w/o a goodbye.
I've got to rush home to bathe and get prepared,
'cos i have a class gathering at east coast at 6pm.
That's y though i know it's the last paper, I didn't wait.
I hope you guys can spare a thought for me huh?
And i've become a changed person infront of you all.
Became so quiet and stuff.
But please bear this in mind.
After the other time, you all told me that i always pop-up no link topics.
I always think twice before i speak now.
And, I kept so quiet,
because, I know nuts about what you all talking about.
So i just shut up. Or else, i'll be poping-up no link topics again.
Haojie kept telling me it's all misunderstanding.
But no one voiced out anything.
You don't voice out you feelings, how would i know?
I don't live inside you, and knows all your feelings right.
Come on, speak up.
And yes, this morning misunderstood haojie.
Got abit harsh on him.
He 'played' with me.
I thought it was for real, i couldn't differentiate.
Because, I've already prepared everything and ready to leave.
But since it's still raining, I kept messaging him.
But there was no reply.
Till I'm quite pissed already, I decided not to go.
'cos afterall the ground would be wet.
I'm sorry, Haojie.
I'm really pissed off by this stuffs ehs.
I told haojie last night.
I don't want to care. I'm feeling so tired of it.
He kept telling me things like, they still treat u as friends and stuff.
And tell me it's just a minor misunderstand.
Oh my fucking god.
Why does it seems like, no one on earth, could spare a thought for me.
When I'm more or less letting go, people come and tell me these things.
Not as if I don't treat them as friends right.
I said before, still friends.
And i even told them,
in future, anything not happy with me, let me know.
But still, they're stabbing me at the back.
They'll have their chance to be in my shoes one day.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008, 10:43 PM
I'm at Wanying's place now.Updating my blog from here, then go home dn't need use computer.
Went for the job briefing just now.
I'm mentally prepared that it's going to be hell for me.
But it's the exprience that counts rights?
So people, if Thurs to Sun u can't get me on my mobile,
just sms me, k?
And I'm going sentosa tomorrow.
With Haojie, Edwin, Chuan De, Patrick(though i wish he ain't going) and wanying.
Suppose that we're going to have fun tomorrow.
I never fails to have fun with Wanying around.
HAHA!
People went sentosa on mon,
I wasn't told about anything, neither do i know anything.
But who cares.
I'm actually glad that I wasn't there lehs.
'cos hor, If i go, I also not happy, go there only face black black.
i didn't go, and i ENJOYED so much with Simone and sis.
And even got myself a new black skinnies.
HAHA.
Which type of life better?
Everyday face black black then die,
or everyday smile smile then die?
OF COS EVERYDAY SMILE LAR!
DUH!
Okie, i need go home liao.
BYE~
Sunday, September 21, 2008, 9:38 PM
I miss you casw. 12:56 AM
4E'07!ROCK ON!
Meant for him(:
Me and Ying
His name
Me with my art piece(:
Here's some photos for mid-autumn.
The fufilment of our promise.
Meant for him(:
Me and Ying
His name
Me with my art piece(:
12:41 AM
I'm posting again.Well, woke up at 12 today.
Then used lappy until 3+ going 4 then bathe.
Was crapping with some people(you know who you are. LOL)
Then rush off to bathe, then go meet Simone and Fay.
Met Simone on the bus i was in instead.
The bus was fucking hot.
The air-con didn't seems to be working.
When i first see Simone, I was like WOW~
okie, i shall not post it out why i wow, if not Simone kill me later.
Bought goceries, then went to buy BBT, then go crystal Jade buy our dessert.
Off to Fay's HOUSE!
Prepared some carrot and celery sticks for them.
To eat with Tar-Tar and their salad sauce.
Then cooked Carbonara Sphagetti for them.
And when i cook my Carbonara, i FORGOT to put in my mushroom.
What the hell lar.
End up I cooked the Mushroom in wine.
LOL~
And Fay got 'drank' and 'itch' by the mushrooms.
After dinner, went into Fay's room.
Looked at photos and videos of her Germany trip.
Laughed our heads off.
I'm still waiting for Daddy to bring me round the world.
Then while we had our dessert.
We were talking about a particular couple.
We laughed our heads off.
Due to Simone's imitation.
It's really funny.
And let me tell you this.
I really enjoy the companion of these people(:
They rock my life.
Tomorrow I'm meeting them again.
With additional person, Linda.
She might or might not join.
Then they wan go Mani, Pedi.
I don't know if I can make it, 'cos I'm going Ikea with Mum and Sis.
I've learnt to treasure people around me.
Sometimes on the surface, no contacts seems as though the friendship is gone.
However, I really love those buddies of mine(:
Saturday, September 20, 2008, 1:11 PM
It's really a surprise for me.Yesterday.
Suddenly i felt loved.
Really.
When I know that those people in school,
doesn't give a damn.
Of cos, upset at the very first moment.
'cos it seems like I've lost my friends.
Because now my life is school.
So it seems like without them, probably I'll die.
But perhaps not?
Due to the gathering, I got to know that Xinyi and Weili is there for me.
And guess what, I'm surprised that GL came to tag.
Class peeps:
I don't care what you think about me.
What you dislike.
I had tried to change to what you guys want me to be.
But because i feels uncomfortable, I keep myself away from you guys.
Or else probably I'll flare and say nasty stuff.
I don't wish to hurt anyone during this period of time.
I don't use the word 'hate', because I don't want to hate anyone.
Why make yourself so painful, to go gossip about people,
and give yourself headache because of how much you dislike this person?
No point, k.
Don't gossip about other people.
Just get on with your life.
I get on with mine.
Everyone's happy this way right?
Then when it comes to project, just work together lar.
Then you do your part, I do mine.
Isn't that all?
No point of me fretting over what you guys wanna say about me.
'cos no matter how much i fret, how much i think, u guys won't stop what.
So what's the point.
Show me the basic respect, and u'll have my respect.
Learn to respect yourself too.
Do some reflections please.
Please stop hurting me with your words.
I don't give a damn now.
you guys are getting such a little attention from me
if you're trying to talk about me thru indirect manner,
u're just seeking attention.
Please, don't be such an attention seeker.
THANKS TO MY DARLING BUDDIES!
You guys really got me going(:
1:26 AM
I find it so hard to please these people.Really tough.
I don't wish things turned out this way too.
But don't they know the reason behind it?
It simply means i feel uncomfortable.
k, now is 3.01am.
Just hang the phone with Wanying.
Felt better after talking to her.
I just want to lead my life.
Problem solved.
Friday, September 19, 2008, 1:20 AM
Realised how much lesser I'm blogging now.Was reading through my previous entries.
Sigh.
It brings so much pain reading them, idk y.
I miss Winner Insurance Agencies Pte Ltd.
Be it for the people or for the work there.
I missed it.
Reading back, how stress i was, and how much no freedom.
I rather i got no freedom.
No freedom=no funny thoughts.
Now got so much free time, everyday anyhow think.
Today is English Exam.
I really got no idea how to study for it.
Used to study the phrases and etc.
But now study what?!
Also not writing any essay.
Think people start noticing already.
That i've been with Soma, and no longer with Grace and co.
Let things be the way they meant too.
I can't speak their lingo, they can't speak mine.
你走你的阳光道，我走我的独木桥。
Got a little mushy and wrote private journal on LJ.
LOL!
Tell you people something.
I'm back on motivated track to lose weight.
I want to lose weight within the 2years(:
You people are the pillars of my life.
Be there, don't leave.
Thursday, September 18, 2008, 10:10 AM
Alrights, I just updated my LJ with 2 posts.One is dkdcdb.
The other one, err, is private post(:
dkdcdb:
Don't know;
Don't care;
Don't bother.
I miss casw!
1:08 AM
I haven't see you online for the second day.I'll just pull through this 3weeks.
Still a long way to go.
You're gone, i can't make you stay.
They are of higher authories than me.
You wished you had stayed too right?
I miss you already, casw.
Monday, September 15, 2008, 9:04 AM
I'm going out soon!Going hub with family and Wanying.
She'll be joining us for makan, then come home with me play candle.
Okie, another 2 more days, and he'll be gone:(
Goodbye is the hardest word to say.
Sunday, September 14, 2008, 4:59 AM
So here's the cut on my two fingers.It's a slanted cut inwards.
For some who knows, i fainted.
Don't know what happened luhs.
Anyway, incident happens on thursday.
No worries, i'm fine already.
Yesterday went Rosette with them.
Dinner was okay.
Then they went drinking.
I didn't drink.
For the whole night, only drink one sip of red wine.
Just don't want drink outside lar.
Don't know my stamina yet.
Felt real awkward with them.
Luckily Haojie was there, if not i feels even worst.
Haojie kept asking me if i want him to send me home.
I told him is ok lar.
Can sense that he's really troubled.
Look at how he drinks. How he smoked(he's a social-smoker btw).
I knew something was wrong, but he kept saying he's ok.
I knew it's a white lie already.
End up, he need to find driver to drive.
He can't drive, 'cos he drank.
Sigh.
Hope he can hold himself together lor..
3 more days.
Sigh, he havent leave yet.
But missing him already.
Thursday, September 11, 2008, 12:41 AM
Think I'm dying pretty soon?Having stomachache and diarrhoe since yesterday night.
WTF!
And somemore this 2 days i can't miss school.
Today Ms Lin going to give tips on exam for catering science.
Tomorrow have Practical exam.
SIGH!
I'm in PAIN now!!!
And yeaps, some hiccups yesterday.
People talked to me in such sarcastic manner.
I've got no choice but answer them in a sarcastic manner.
They're making me into a person i don't wish to be.
Seriously,
I hate to be how I'm behaving now.
Got to be so fake, all the time.
I've got to learn how to let things be.
They ain't worth my tears actually.
I have feelings too.
I feel hurt.
But they just don't worth my tears.
They're so close now, so nice.
Wait till the day, the stab each other on the back.
I'm just relaxing and sitting back and enjoy the show.
LOL!
I'm dying in PAIN~
Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 12:56 AM
HOHO!He's going in on 16sept.
Not 13sept!!!!!
I remembered the wrong date.
HOHO!
Means there's 8 more days NOT 5!!
HEHE!
HAPPY~
Monday, September 8, 2008, 2:04 AM
Back here to blog.Went to yellow ribbon concert yesterday.
Quite nice luhs.
Found out that those inmates are actually quite talented yea?
They performed well(:
Believing in second chance.
Because, everyone makes mistakes.
They ought to be given chances to repent.
6 more days.
Sunday, September 7, 2008, 2:47 AM
Yesterday went out after school.1st went to Wanying house to leave my knife set and shoe bag.
Then we went orchard.
Go luck plaza to eat ayam penyet.
She seriously cannot take spicy.
Then after that, went party world.
Sing K, but we were so dead in there, felt so tired.
After sing K, finally gone to Taka to buy my plates.
Not much choices there actually.
All damn expensive luhs!
So i bought the cheaper one, look more 'fun' type of plate.
2 black 2 white.
And 1 20com tefal pan, for my omelette.
Here's some pictures of the plate.
Excuse me if my photography skills isn't good.
7 more days left:(
Friday, September 5, 2008, 2:55 PM
Alright, back here blogging at my blogger.Can refer to my LJ if u want.
http://justonepamela.livejournal.com/
Anyways, as some of you guys know.
The girls in my class are unhappy with me.
They said i'm childish, & they hate it when i interfere when they are in adult topics.
I know they're experience in sex and etc, but what's there to be proud of?
And i think they should reflect, sex shouldnt't be a topic of classroom.
The part where they think i'm childish, I've got nothing to say about it.
Since they want to judge me this way, let it be then.
And by the way, people who know me, would say otherwise.
I'm now acting such a hypocrite when I'm with them.
Which isn't who i am.
Don't understand why the heck I'm doing all this to make myself suffer.
And this is only 2 months of school.
And these people isn't opening up.
Only 2 months of school, so much of gossip,
so much of disliking this person, that person.
What is earth turning into?!
Sigh.
How much I wished, someone, probably
Saliza, Simone, Wanying.
Tell this people who I am.
Whatever luhs hor, I'll just get done with another 10 months with them.
And people,
Why do i get along better with collegues than classmates?
Clarence is going in army soon.
Another 9 more days=(
There's such a special feeling when i'm chatting with him casually now.
It's a feeling i don't get when i chat with other people.
I know, thou he told me Vanessa's childish & he's giving up.
The fact is, he haven't.
& i know, it takes time.
Lately, i believe, he'll start chatting when he isn't busy.
Happy to know that he had been starting chat.
But now, I sort of play punk.
LOLS!
When I'm unhappy with him about something.
I sort of show attitude thru my words.
Then i won't start chatting with him.
Wait till the day after next, he'll auto chat with me(:
Isn't this nice?
HAHA~
I like it this way though.
Sorry for not updating for so long..