♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
Eightteen
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Monday, December 29, 2008, 11:05 PM
I'm making a sudden plan.Thinking back that time passing so fast.
In no time, I would be going for my attachment already.
I've got no idea, why I don't feel like going hotel.
I feels that I've got more passion at restaurant.
Many says to go into hotel, it'll give me a better name next time.
But I have to work with Passion.
I've got to love my job, and what I'll be doing.
What's the point of going hotel, then kena fuck there, then I'm not happy,
go back school complain? It wouldn't help.
This thought is too sudden.
I know nuts about attachment and sending in of resume, and seeking a place.
I'm feeling so helpless right now.
Thursday, December 25, 2008, 10:41 PM
All I want for Christmas is my Inter-net.Oh my Inter-net.
Oh my Inter-net!
All I want for Christmas is my Inter-net.
12:02 AM
Merry Christmas Everyone!It's X'mas time. Yet I'm sitting infront of my lappy, with my sis's blanket wrapping round me. The weather today is cold, hence that explains the blanket round me. I feel as though I've got a blocknose, yet the passage way is cleared, and breathing is breeze clearly. Body aches like nobody's business, as though bones breaking apart. Eyes opens wide apart, refuses to register myself to bed.
Went to meet some friends just now in the afternoon. Had a damn bloody long time deciding on what to have for lunch. Oh. Could it be the free-flow Ice-cream that causes me in the state I am now? We had lunch at Dhoby Ghaut X-change, one of the restaurant there. With free-flow drinks & Ice-cream.
Then we went for movies. Bed Time Stories. Out of 5 stars, probably I'll just give it a 2-2.5. It managed to make me laugh. But yet, somehow quite boring. Simply because, whatever story said at bedtime, would come true. So, when they show the story of the day after that story, you would have expected what would be happening. Does that make sense? It simply does.
I'm still chatting with him. For those who knows, his nick was .... loves her. So I asked him, new target? He said no girls at the moment. So I asked Vanessa? He said she could die for all she wants. Random chats.
Oh, had popcorns during the movies. Maybe popcorn plus Ice-cream, causes my sickness. Told sis about my nose, she said to massage that area. Maybe is mucus block up there. But then lehs, the more I massage, I get headache. Sigh.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008, 10:50 PM
Simone!
Simone, where are you?How come chat with you on msn, you never reply?
Sms you also no reply?
Where are you?!
Monday, December 22, 2008, 8:12 PM
Sad ):
I'm going to be broke for 3 months.
And would be seriously broke, and broken.
I'm going to The Coffee Club for my free-labour Training.
It's going to last for 3 months.
Then I cannot work for Spinelli.
Because Spinelli and Coffee Club direct competitors.
Oh fuck!
How to survive?
And I just entered Spinelli for 1 month.
I'm leaving already.
Joel my training manager, was quite unplease about it.
Because training takes 1 to 2 months.
And yet, he train me for about 1 month, then I cannot work already.
HOW?!
No work=No money=No life!
FUCK!
Sunday, December 21, 2008, 10:18 PM
Oh man.
I'm bored!
8:52 PM
Oh man.他变得跟帅了。
!!!
Why the heck make me melt again? When I'm almost solidified.
Sigh.
Friday, December 19, 2008, 12:26 PM
Damn my mum's CHINA collegues.They took damn bloody long time at the market.
I followed them for the damn bloody 30mins walking in the market.
And they are still not done.
Went to sit down and wait, cause I can't afford to get my hair dirty and sweaty.
And guess what. After 10mins, mum came out and said, We are going Sheng Siong.
I was damn bloody fucking angry, I tell her ownself go.
I want go home.
Flare up at her, ask her buy what in market, buy so long.
Oh please, buy 2 chicken, 3kg prawn, some veg.
Need 40mins there? For me, I'll be done in 20mins.
Damn those fucking CHINA people.
So I came home myself.
Before coming back, I went to find the cat downstairs.
He's so cute.
I always go sayang him before I come home.
Fucking sian ehs.
Thursday, December 18, 2008, 11:15 PM
*edited**removed picture because Simone says it looks like amanda leong*
A quite unusual self picture I took. I took and edited it. This is me, with my newly rebonded hair. Straight and soft. I like it. But I hope it regains it's volume soon.
Went to meet Jeslyn, one of my bestie in primary sch, for lunch just now. Like nothing much to talk lehs. But anw, it's gd to meet up with old friends right? Hehe. After that went to meet sis. Then went to buy clothes again. CNY clothes settled. Office pants, straight cut and white blouse with straps(short sleeve).
After that came home and did my rebonding at house downstairs. Sat there for like 4.25 hours! Sit until my butt pain.
Came home use comp, watch tv, stone. And seriously ar, I don't know why, I'm feeling irritated to see him name online. Don't know what happened.
1:03 AM
I really hate it.When I did my best, to get over you.
And I'm reaching up there.
You pulled me down again. And there I go, sliding down that stairs.
Just like Snake & Ladder.
The way you talked to me just now.
It makes me feel like tearing.
And I meant it.
Already feeling emotional already.
And there you go, pulling me down.
That's what I'm feeling now.
I don't know what to reply to your msn.
So I asked Simone.
I was shivering thoughout. At lost.
Don't know what to do when you ask.
I was tongue tied.
But somehow I get hold of myself.
I held back my tears and emotions.
And that's it.
It's gonna be a real.
GOODBYE.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008, 12:46 PM
After so much of thinking.I've came to a conclusion. I'm just someone he talks to when he has got nothing to do. And since he is SO SO busy during his holidays, of cause, he wouldn't be chatting with me. Oh, so I'm just nobody. Just someone random he chats with when he's bored.
I'm going out later in the evening. Going buy somethings with Simone and then dinner followed by a concert for some children charity at NYP. Also don't know the concert until what time. Just don't feel like coming home that early lehs. Sian of being at home. Dressing up a little later. I need to find my heels.
And alright! Off I go to find it now.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008, 10:52 PM
I'm so bored, that I'm blogging for the second time today.Stayed home, had a little spring cleaning with mum throughout the whole afternoon. So that explains why I'm not online as usual. A real massive cleaning of the storeroom. Yes, not to deny, we're full of rubbish. Finally getting to clear the real 10 years of rubbish, that we initially brought over from Serangoon.
To as much as we realised while clearing the store, there were tons of toys. To my surprise, many of them are exactly the same. Oh my, those toys of mine - memories. I actually do remember stories of toys though. And if I'm not wrong, after a few rounds of clearing by mum and sis, we still have had 3-4 boxes of toys.
Which toy should I start with? I'll start of with those Mcdonald's toy. I think all the people in Singapore would have known that for every Mcdonald's Kid's meal you buy, you get a free toy right? Then after purchasing, you may purchase additional toy if you want(that is if I'm not wrong, or else buy another meal. It had been ages since I've gotten Kid's meal). I dare not even dare to dream about how many Mcdonald's Kid's meal have my family and I eaten, that causes my size now. Toys from Mcdonald's ranges from the well-known famous Hello Kitty soft toy, 101 Dalmatians to Snoopy and even more. It's seriously countless!
Sad to say, out of the 101 dogs that we had been having with us since 10 years back, we're only left with 69 of them. I've got no idea where the other 32 went. Probably they died of suffocation or hunger in the store. So I had the 69 of them sent away. To some of mum's friend. They wanted it, and they don't mind so we gave. Same goes for those Stupid Snoopy and Hello Kitty.
Still more toys, those figurines toys. I don't know where the heck I've gotten them, probably from my brother. But those in good states, are given away, and those that turn sticky and yuckie, had been dumped.
More and MORE! BLOWPENS! Think there were this period of time in Singapore, which blowpens were in trend. Most kids will go, "Mummy! I like this. It'll help me to be more creative and it'll help me in my art. Would you buy it for me please?" Mine actually works, Mum bought them for me. And I enjoyed it very very much. I love those markers and stencils. Having the objective of this springcleaning in my mind, I told my Mum, "Ma, I'll give this away okay? Since I've got no use of it now." That's what I did, so new owner for the whole set of blowpens.
MORE! Mickey Mouse Pool Set. I remembered the story of this very clearly. I once had a pool set(kids, duh) that my best friend's Mum or Aunt gave it to me for Christmas. Mum was quite unhappy that they went on expenses to buy me expensive gift. But she still allow me to keep it. I love this present so much, I brought it with me when I was living with my relatives. Hence, nature of kids, loving toys so much, I took out to play. Nephew joined in, and spoilt my toy. If I'm not wrong, the balls went missing. So Mum decided to throw away, since it was incomplete. Somehow the angry and stubborn Pamela, would make feel so guilty of throwing away her things to get her a new set. And TADAH! my Mickey Mouse Pool Set(: But still, I gave it away. Because I'm no longer playing it, why not share it with some other people's kids and make them happy.
When we brought the Mcdonald's toys, Blowpens, Mickey Mouse Pool Set and some other stationeries. My Mum's friend saw the Pool set, and he went, "Snooker I want, I want" He immediately open up the box to see. HAHA, it feels good to share some love though.
Came back up and continued. A box of my Barbie collection. They are still in good shape. I can't remember how I got my Barbie Set, and the story behind it. But if I'm not wrong, it's my Dad who bought me that. And all I remember about this set of barbie, is I LOVE IT ALOT! I would play with them all the time. Somehow, I get over it after playing with it for few minutes just now, I told Mum, keep it and we'll give it away as well. Sad. But Mum allowed me to keep a few smaller ones.
Open up more boxes, and more things came out. Soft toys, and more toys figurines. Even Polly Pocket. How many of you actually remembers what is polly pocket? I do. Haha. But I told Mum, Ma it's too dirty already, and so many missing pieces, dump them. And we threw them away.
Oh ya, Barbie and friends are still in the storeroom. Haven't take down to Mum's friend, because we brought down too many bags already, got to think how they bring home also. So there'll be more rounds of going down to give them the toys and stationeries.
Remembered that I've got this Playdoh set in the store. It's Mcdonald's set. Can make fries, burger, Ice-cream and more. It's soon gonna be given away too. That one is Dad bought it for me at marina square.
Oh, cleared tons of clothes too. Especially those clothes of mine. Numerous. And oh my fucking god, those clothes' size shows how much rubbish I've eaten over my 17 years of life. We should 1.5 bag full of clothes(the black thrash bag) with another to-waist-height newspaper. And guess what?! It only cost S$2?! Freaky but true. And that Garang Guni so irritating. Selling him so much things, he kept asking if we had more. Until me and Mum irritated, we decided not to sell him anything anymore. And wait for the regular uncle to come. So 3 bags full of clothes waiting to be sold.
Me and Sis did cleaning of our room last night too. Got 2 fans out of our room. Which Mum initially argued to keep to repair and can be used again. Somehow, this afternoon, we got it dumped. Trust me, the bin place downstairs, is full with our rubbish. Boxes and Boxes of them. Even Sis can't believe it's ours when she came back from work. People at this neighbourhood would dig into your rubbish and pick up whatever that is useful or wanted. So some 'treasures' were picked up.
So now, do you have an idea of how much rubbish is being kept in my house?
And there is more to come.
I'll blog about the next time I have a massive springcleaning session.
And oh yes, Sis quarrelled with Mum just now, because sis wanted to throw something, and Mum doesn't. And argued that she gave in alot by throwing away alot of things already.
Whatever.
HOW MUCH MONEY HAD OUR FAMILY SPENT ON THE THINGS WE'VE THROWN TODAY?!
Think wisely before you buy things now. Probably it'll just end up in the bin, like mine, 10 years down the road.
Where will your things be, 10, 20, 30 years down the road?
And what I've just typed, is 3 pages in Microsoft Word.
6:31 PM
The feeling had faded. And for sure I know. It's just that I can't bear to let go.Seen him online these days. But simply can't be bothered to initiate a chat. Since he doesn't initiate a chat, then I shan't. Let things be this way then. It'll then be a good chance for myself to be forced to let go.
如果友情就这样的淡化，我也没什么好说的了。
如果命中注定我们的友情是这样结束的话，我也心甘请愿。
但在你走之前请让我知道，至少我不会傻傻的站在这里等。
I'm now left with only used-to-be.
Monday, December 15, 2008, 10:42 PM
My blog seems rather rotten.It's been in my heart of wanting to get into a relationship. So looking forward to one and looking for one. Being curious, wanting to know what is love in a relationship. Trying so hard to win one's heart. But by some means, I failed to win any. Always telling myself that I've yet to met the right man in my life. Sounds abit stupid, but true. Although I know the first boyfriend will not be my husband, but I wish it is the case.
Over the years, while I'm so-called looking for the man. I've heard and seen many stories from the people around me. For instance, quarrelling with their partners, having cold wars. Even worst that I've known through shatec friends, how they end up getting dumped.
I do understand that these things tends to happen in relationship. And it's through such quarrels, fight that couples learn more about each other-that's where love grows. But going to the extend that during the 'fight', one party gets so depressed over it. Friends around feel hurts too.
I've already got horror of marriages, and now hearing more of relationships. It makes me scared. Despite these horrors I'm having, why do I still look forward to one? I don't understand. Simply contradicting my words.
I'm here trying to forget that bastard. Things had been different. He stop initiating chats with me. No longer got a on-going chat. Chats and topics between us turned cold. Feeling's fading. He's no longer the one I can tell my feelings and problems to, because he is simply the problem that I'm facing right now. If lets say, friendship fades just like this, all I can say is, I've got to let it go. And I would.
Short post for today.
I've changed my blogskin to a plain and simple one.
(:
Wednesday, December 10, 2008, 12:32 AM
Went out to study just now,at nas's house at bedok.
After that went makan, at the area there.
Was sort of pissed off.
I asked the uncle, "curry fish head, the fish got what fish?"
simply what i mean was what species fish's head do you have.
The uncle said, "green or red curry lor, only got 2 types."
I was like what the fuck," uncle what type of fish head you have?"
he replied the same thing!
I gave up, whatever fish come, i'll just eat.
Then went over to the prata shop opposite.
Was damn fucked up with this 人妖 there.
shim(she + him = shim) was standing next to our table.
And we( me and grace) was standing infront of the prata store,
seeing what prata they have.
Then shim asked grace what we want.
So grace told shim, nvm, we see here then we can ownself order here.
shim flew up at us.
and said ' you wan order here, you ownself take ar.'
is like so what the fuck did we do right?
When we where makaning there, shim open eyes so wide and stare at us.
Shim clear table also not happy.
Throw fork and spoon and plates into the bucket.
So got once shim threw, but not very hard lar.
Then I said out loud, "throw harder lar!"
We go pay bills, told the auntie there.
And the auntie actually asked shim, theirs how much.
So shim just said, " aku tad da wu" - I don't know.
We were so fucked up, left with anger.
And me and grace ended up making fun of shim.
HAHA!
Monday, December 8, 2008, 1:02 AM
Alrights, abit of emo emo post.I kept looking back today.
I've got no idea why.
I'm missing the old peicai building.
I'm missing miss kang and miss loh, whom I've got to know through peicai.
So much wonderful memories in there.
I supposed he'd found someone new.
I don't want to ask him anything.
Neither do I want to talk to him.
I'm waiting for him to initate a chat.
Haven't talked to him a quite sometime.
I'm letting him go.
And I meant it.
People, trust me this time.
I'll be able to do it without finding someone new.
Sunday, December 7, 2008, 1:27 PM
Once a bastard told me. "guys are bastards".Friday, December 5, 2008, 9:36 PM
FINALLY!I'm updating my blog.
So what happened during my MIA period?
Let me tell you.
I'm fucking tired.
I'm sick for countless week.
I finally finished my fucking dumbass menu planning project.
I finally finished my fucking dumbass practical exam.
And I still has assholes exam papers to go.
And I'm starting work tomorrow at 7pm at novena Spinelli.
I'm currently somehow quite sick already.
Though I'm sick like for the pass few weeks.
But I didn't feel the tireness as I cramp schedule with projects and class.
So I can't feel a single bit of pain.
But now, after I hand in my project just now.
Although I feel relieve, but all the pain and aches surfaced.
And so well, that I used so much glue to do my menu just now.
I had glue sniffing session.
My asthma came along.
Diffulty to breathe, I get breathless so damn easy.
Next week is my exam week already.
And monday would be PH.
I'm scared of going work sia.
1st day of work don't know how.
Scared scared.
Hopefully I'll be fine(:
Jiayou jiayou.
Earn money.
Oh yar, for those who didn't know.
my group spent a fucking of about $200 for our menu.
Printing cost us $81, Lamination + Binding $70, and our art materials dunno how much.
And so, total for the printing services I've paid the fucking much amount of $151.
WHAT THE HELL!
Okay, I know I've use alot of fuck words here.
But I cannot help it.
I'm sorry, but I need to release this fucking stress within me for few weeks.
I SCARED TOMORROW!
NEED GO START WORK ALREADY!
Monday, December 1, 2008, 9:26 PM
I need a place to vent out my anger, and sort my feelings out.1st feeling: worried.
I saw him out, I knew something was wrong.
He's fever is up and down.
All syntoms of dengue but it isn't.
2nd feeling: angry.
I told him that health is more impt.
Although I know he got work to do.
He simply reply with 1 word, 'heck.'
WTH! I'm damn angry about it.
It's like, hello, I'm here to tell you that health is everything.
And yet you told me heck?
Die if you want.
3rd feeling: given up hope.
Since whatever I've said, to you it's just heck.
I just don't feel like talking to you anymore.
Because, you simply don't give a damn, even on your own health.
Then why should I care?
#edited at 10.09
I can't be bothered to type what I've typed just now.
Internet disconnected and there goes my post.
Fuck that.