♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
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Sunday, January 24, 2010, 9:10 PM
Should I delete this blog or not?It's filled with too much memories, I don't know weather to consider it as good ones or bad ones. However, I deleted my livejournal already, because there's too much memories, after reading through, it feels rather painful. I haven't read the archives of this blog, but I know it's gonna be alot.
So, should keep this blog?
Sunday, January 17, 2010, 2:08 PM
I'd like to have another chance.Sunday, January 10, 2010, 11:06 PM
Where are you, my friend?
Sigh. I'm still getting emotional as and when.It seems to be like I've lost a friend, a pair of listening ears. Someone who had been out there for me, for years, seems to have vanished into thin air after my confession. Confession seems to be a high price to pay huh, paying a friendship for it.
That day at work, something happened again. I knew I almost broke down, because I was really harsh on myself for that silly mistake. I knew I need someone to talked to, he was the first person I could have thought of. I texted him, waiting for a reply that could at least turned into a little comfort for me, to keep me moving. It was all disappointment again.
Even these days, I see him online, I appear online, he doesn't chat with me anymore. Not even when it's late night at 2am, when he'll usually be less busy. :(
I really miss those late night long chats. I miss pouring all my emotions on him. He's always there when I face problems- except BGR. But that day, I just needed to talk to him. Why it seems so tough. I wasn't trying to be sticky to him. I just want a close friend I can contact as and when. Wether I'm in trouble or not, he'll be there. I'm trying to look at him as such a friend.
But it seems as though I lost such a friend. When it comes to him, I feel empty. Real empty.
Where have my friend gone to? I miss him so much. :'(
Now, I know, I'm still not okay at all. He's still on my mind, all I wanted.
Saturday, January 2, 2010, 8:43 PM
2009 / 2010
I supposed to have plans to go clubbing/ countdown on the eve. But ended up working, hence plan cancelled, as I don't know what time I'll end. Then big present came, I very sian 1/2 want to come home. Was feeling very uncomfortable. So didn't wait for collegues to go for supper. Tried calling so many people to come out, for meet up, but unfortunately, it's a hard-to-get-people date, I was too late. Came home instead. Reached home exactly at 12am.And I was kind of emo that night.
Last week, got rejected. Then new year's eve want to go countdown, end up cancelled. Then the guy I sort of 'like' at work, one of the collegue i quite close with, fell for him. Omg, is like 2 friends having crush on the same guy. Then she was out with him that day. Then she messaged me some funny sms, saying what things like, 'I think I start to like you', 'thanks for the company', 'sorry to make you drunk'. They went drinking, he went to find her after that.
It's like, I know it was just a crush, and this close friend of mine doesn't know. And the people who knows right, thinks that I just play play only, because they know I have someone in mind. Then this friend of mine, explained to me, how he end up with her, blah blah blah. WHY EXPLAIN TO ME?! I RATHER NOT KNOW! Eddie's just a crush/substitute to keep my mind at work.
And yes, I got rejected. I told myself to move on. I'm still talking to him. I feel awkard, trying nt to. But you know something, the feeling's still there. I still like him lehs. Why can't I get over him? Tried to focus on work instead. But still my mind filled with him. Tried to think of eddie even more than him okay, but it still didn't work. It went one big round, and back to him again. I wished my heart is dead, so I wouldn't have to be bothered. I tried stopping my mind to think over, but then it's like my heart keep telling me to wait wait. Sigh, I'm bullshitting again. Love is something that I'll never understand. Because I never had one.
Okay, today marks the first mistake I did in 2010. I almost burnt down the whole cold kitchen. Thank god, I stop the fire too.
End up update. :)
什么时候I will be fine?