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Pamela Lim
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Thursday, February 26, 2009, 9:24 PM
I'm feeding myself now.Mesculi Oats mixed, with my dairy farmer honey yoghurt, with freshly cut mango, with honey!
It taste yummy.
But I think I'll get diarhoe ltr.
8:56 PM
sorrows that can't be comprehend
http://ashleyisourangel.blogspot.com/ 8:13 PM
I still cannot take it.Mum just came home, say me.
Say, ' If only people pissed you off, you don't need eat, then I everday get pissed, then I don't need eat liao lor.'
Come home only scold me never wash clothes.
WHY I ALWAYS GET SCOLDED, GET FUCKED FOR NO REASON?!
DON'T WANT EAT, LOST APPETITE ALSO MY FAULT. EVERYTHING MY FAULT LOR! EVERYTHING IS ME! IS ME!
WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT DID I DO?! THAT I DESERVE ALL THIS SHIT?!
7:36 PM
I'm feeling fustrated deep inside.I'm feeling pain right inside.
I broke down.
I don't know why either.
Was supposed to end work at 4pm today, to claim 2 hours off for yesterday of which I worked 10 hours. Planned to meet Wanying for K, to sing my heart out today. But it was cancelled. They told me that today's food tasting will be at 5pm today. So I can't leave, I've got to stay. End up staying till 6.15pm. I was VERY LL there. Manager said that she'll come down for the food tasting, but end up also never turn up. If not long ago can start training already, and I can go off le.
It isn't because I didn't get my 2 hours back that's why I'm pissed off. It's simply because, it was a waste of time there. And since they know that I knock off at 4pm, why the hell manager put food tasting at 5pm? And NEVER TURN UP?!
In fact, what my chef said was true too. I'm there to learn, so it's okay, and not that they want me to stay or come back on my off day. Previously, I was cheated back also. That's true. But why the hell those people make things so last minute. With proper planning, all this wouldn't happen! And these people plan without back up plan? Never predict what would happen? Shit them.
Was already VERY VERY FUSTRATED, then quarrelled with mum at mrt over the phone. I hang her call. It's my fault, I admit. But seriously, I can't think.
I don't know what's wrong. I just felt like crying. And I can't stop crying. It's just 2 hours, and I felt very bad. They wasn't wrong. Instead, I'm the one at fault. Fuck, did wrong order, heard wrong thing. I was so damn screwed just now. It's my fault for raising my voice to mum just now. Seriously, I've already reason out everything, I understand. But I just feel like crying. The tears just rolled down. Even when I was in cab, start already, I held it back.
I didn't called anyone when I broke down. I don't want anyone to worry. I still feel very fucked up, screwed up.
I felt as though I need a hug then. I don't want mummy to see my cry, I don't want sis to see me cry. They will ask me to quit. I don't want. Quiting is not an action I'll do. I don't want to break mummy's heart.
I promised her, I'll give her good life in the future. I'll buy her flat, I'll get her a car to drive.
All I need to do is, hang on.
Monday, February 23, 2009, 11:11 AM
I'm like fucking du lan can?!Don't call me when I'm not on duty lar! CB!
Call me once, you're at store, want chef's number, wtf?! Can't you just save his number in your fucking handphone? Or you have too many?
Call me for the second time, ask me how to go marina sq. Ehs, there's something call ask chef right?! What the hell lor, call me. NB. Who ask you, everytime they need people go other outlets, you don't want to go. Then end up now you don't know where lar. Muahaha, I'm laughing my ass off you, fucker.
Call me for the third time, you hang my call. Then call for what.
Call me for the fourth time, I allowed my phone to ring through all the way, and I simply enjoy JJlin's music on my phone(:
Call me somemore, I won't even hear it or get annoyed, because, my phone is silent.
Na Bei! Don't call me when I'm not on duty ok. FUCKER!
Sunday, February 22, 2009, 11:58 PM
Oh my God. Let me tell you guys, this is hilarious.In 2006 march, I went to Malaysia, KLCC with the school, for the geography fieldtrip. It's a trip that I can never forget. Especially that hotel we stayed in. I love the bed, the toilet, practically everything there.
So came back, remembering till now, the hotel named Four Seasons Hotel, 4 star rated.
Sis went KLCC sometime early this year. She told me she stayed in Grand Seasons Hotel, 4 star rated. And when she mentioned about the hotel, I started comparing to the one I stayed in. It's all so similar, just different view out of the window.
And when we were surfing the net just now, we came to realise, ehs, the place we're talking about, seems to be the same. And for sure I wouldn't have mistaken, the hotel I stayed in is just opposite KL general hospital, and I saw on the map, that's the only hospital nearby lor. I went to see those pictures of Grand Seasons Hotel, and yes, to my memory, is what I saw 3 years back. Same place.
So now, we've came to a conclusion:
Grand Seasons = Four Seasons = 4 star rated = Same hotel we've been too!
WTF!
11:47 AM
Since I've got that little bit of time to spare before I'm off to work. Shall blog about yesterday at work.Yes, I was marching into RC coffee club fuming mad. Simply because, I've got no idea where the dumb coffee club is at market street, and I got into the rain and was drenched badly enough, that someone actually scolded me 'bodoh'.
Then in the kitchen was hilarious yesterday. My chef was telling us things in canto, because he is canto, and we can hardly speak some. So he was teaching us, but yet me and fred catch no ball ar. Then he taught us how to cut french bean, omg, it's seriously damn steady damn cool can. We can't stop laughing. Then later on, I forgot what I was doing, then he came to me, and starting nagging at me in canto. I just kept laughing, because I don't know what he scolding, but all i know he is saying me lar. Then fred ask me, 'what he saying?' I say i've got no idea, and we went off laughing again.
Then later in the night, when fred went to toilet, there was this order, Ocean's Four. I put into oven le, then after sometime, I don't know why, I bend down see the oven, I didn't see the ocean's four, I off the oven, because it was fucking hot. Until I heard the service people say 'ocean's four coming out alr?' then i was like omg! I off the oven lor!
!!!!
There we go again, can't stop laughing. still got more, later tonight i come back I blog somemore. I'm running late alr. BYE!
Friday, February 20, 2009, 11:42 PM
Say I'm crazy or whatsoever.It's like suddenly after today's chat.
I don't feel like going out with him anymore.
Since I'm pretty sure, he already have someone in mind.
He seems to be going out with MANY MANY girls though.
he said casually going out with them.
He's attracted to 2 girls.
It makes me feel ....
I don't know how to describe.
The feeling just ain't good.
Really.
And I just feel like:
1. I just go buy the book, no need go see together. I know which is the book you want.
2. Give it to you as birthday present in april.
3. Send you an e-mail. Expressing how I felt. And how I no longer want to be on this emotional roller coaster that you've been giving me.
4. Continue be friends/big brother/cousellor.
I seems to be stuck onto this thinking now.
It really sucks big time to be on the roller coaster ride he gave.
Or maybe it's just me being paranoid.
But I just dunno what to say how i feels towards it.
11:01 PM
For those who knows, I've gotten over that bit of excitment.I'm no longer as excited, no longer as happy.
Somethings got into me.
Telling me things such as, was suppose to meet girl,
this two girl are attractive in their ways, blah blah blah.
These made me go down down down again.
Then he pull me up a little again.
By saying he's still single.
>.<
I really don't like it lehs.
This roller coaster are not meant for emotional patients.
And just nice I'm one of them.
This roller coaster ride just ain't fun.
In fact, it's painful.
The pain, I can't describe.
It leads to heart pain, mental pain.
I'm sure of this, and I'm setting my resolution for 2009.
And I'll do it.
1. Get over RELATIONSHIP.
2. STAY on track for my career.
3. LOSE WEIGHT
4. Stay POSITIVE
5. Live LIFE my way, stay happy.
6. Get over that BASTARD
6 is more than enough.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009, 6:49 PM
I've got nothing to do, hence I'm blogging now.It seems like today is the first Off day that feels like an Off day. I was woke up by someone, the person claims that she called me is to reply those 3 messages of mine LAST night. Was on the phone with her for prolly 1 hour on my bed. After that went to AMKhub to meet jiayi. It's like so long since I've met her. Then went to walk around. When she was withdrawing money, the lady before her left the $50 there. Was honest, and gave the money to the bank. But surprisingly, the bank didn't ask for our contact or anything. Probably they had $50 for tea-time. See, honesty is nothing. Being too honest, also no good.
Then at bus interchange, while walking to my bus queue, there's this guy who approached me and jiayi, he said hello. Then I go, "eh, my bus here alr! bye bye!" then i ran off. Oh my god, that's like so embarassing can. I didn't really get the picture of his face, but I know, he is quite good looking, jiayi said so too. It's some survey thing luhs. He said hi to jiayi also, but jiayi also just walk off. AWWWWWWWWW! oh my god!
Came home tried to bake. Still in process, waiting for the thing to cool. Wonder if it's successful, just hope it is.
Got this pic from Zedge.net, so emo right?!
But it seems so true for me. I doubt of any day you would accept my love. I know, you won't be able to handle the situation well, and neither would you want to hurt me in any way or the other. Because I know, you can't handle it well, and may end up hurting myself from there. I chose the path to keep silence. I rather be hurt with the agony I'm having now, rather then being hurt by a truth that ain't pleasant to my ears. How long had this been ongoing doesn't matter anymore, what matters now, is how the future will be like. But I doubt it'll be as positive as I wish it will be.
12:52 AM
I'm off tomorrow, hence I'm hugging onto laptop now, despite the late night and tiring day I had.Just now went work as usual, tried another Japanese restaruant, Sushi Don at Funan Digital Mall, I think still ok lar, food still acceptable. Then did a little of shopping. Sis bought a white dress and a brown tube top to go along, as it's too low cut. Nice luhs that dress, of cos lar(!) I choose de lehs. Then I bargain with Mum, initially she agreed to sponser me make specs if not too ex. But end up I requested for sports shoe instead. And yes, she agreed to the new Terms & Condition. So, I bought an Adidas track shoes, Pink / Grey. I love it.
Came home, got change and off we went to Bishan Park. I was so determine to jog, however, stamina dropped to basement level B100 I think. Really bad, haven't been jogging like for maybe 2.5years(?). Jog abit, then here jam there jam, my body cock up already. So end up walking, brisk walk. Leg also pain, maybe still getting use to new shoes. But got perspire lar, not as much still have. Enjoyed.
Went to bathe, come out, felt hungry lehs. But I not suppose to eat, I need to lose weight. So ah-ha! I found pomelo on my dining table. Took it, peel it, ate it. Sis joined me. And both of us ate 1/2 of a medium sized pomelo at 12 mid-night! But I'm still hungry, I'm controlling not to eat.
You made me lose so much confidence each time an incident come along. But what is it that's making me hold on? Nothing. Holding on doesn't gain me any thing, in fact, it simply drench my confidence away. I'm starting to feel tired, drenched, I don't know what other adjectives I can use. It's difficult to hold on, and starting to doubt my feelings for you.
I just know:
I'm not the one you're looking for.
I'm not the one for you.
I'm not fit to be with you.
I'm not good enough for you.
I'm too ugly for you.
I'm too fat for you.
I just ain't the one. If I were the one, it would happened long ago.
Sunday, February 15, 2009, 11:32 PM
Stinky Countryside PumpkinJust now when I was on the train back home, there were this very tanned man came into the train. Most of the seats where taken up already, except for the one on my left. He came running into the train and towards that seat. Sat down, was pretty quiet for the moment.
Until, he started talking on the phone, LOUD and CLEAR. I was on earphones, sound level quite high already. I still can hear him. And as much as I hate, that esscence when they speak, simply sucks big time. What was worse, when he talk, and tilt his head to me, omg, that smell. Omg! OMG! Haven't been brushing his teeth or drinking any water for the past years, perhaps. It was irritating enough that I on my music even louder, it killed alot of my ear cells though. But oh, the smell.
There isn't a need to hear, before I know
I know, there bounds to have people talking behind my back. I know, there tends to dislike me. I just so can't be bothered anymore, since it's not gonna end anyway. Fuck it people. Just know your limits. You can talk for all you want about me when I turn my back to you. Just leave some room for me alrights? Because, when you walk out, you want soom room for yourself too right?
So what's your motive of telling me you spent valentine's with a girl? Just what is it you want from me? She isn't the girl you want to woo, and you said you're not wooing any girl now. So why? Valentine's may be a day for your loved ones. But still. Sigh.
Simone, I wanted to call you up. Because at the moment of him telling me about him going out with a girl, my heart literately fell. But I know what you'll eventually tell me, so I dropped the idea. All you would say: 'Don't think too much. And he is nobody for you to control, whom to go out with and whom not to. And you've got no rights.' Right Simone? Heart kinda ache.
12:39 AM
Lonely Valentine's.Saturday, February 7, 2009, 11:08 PM
Back to blog about my long(?) holiday. Haha.Set off to serangoon central 1st in the morning, to get my inhaler, because expired already. Then went to eat at 207 coffee shop. Damn, the chicken rice store change people already, not nice. Then came this small group of auntie and uncle. Having some chinese instruments with them, and the auntie's voice. Oh my god, they seems like they're doing funeral service. I cannot stop laughing at the coffee shop, so hurried off. Sis wanted go to the bank, on the way to bank, saw them again. It's seems like they're hunting me down.
Went over to sentosa, check into the chalet. It's so deciving! The picture online looks as though the room is relatively big, but it ain't. Settled down, went for cycling. The route is so short! While i cycled into Tanjong beach, i saw this ang mo teenage girl, she was top naked! I thought my eyes playing prank, so when we going back I see again, really lor. But she quite flat lar, so nothing interesting. Then there was this man, at first in shorts, then he changed into a G-string! And it's bright green, something like my slipper colour. Gross.
When cycling back to siloso, I saw this postman on scooters infront of me. So nice, I was on the wrong track. But I see the uncle, ehs, his scooter so big he can go out of that small place there, I should be able to get out. Then I go *BANG* I got into accident. Small scratch on my thumb and alittle on my thigh.
Return bike and went back into chalet. Changed and had survival test - eating cup noodles without untensils. I ate with my fingers. HAHA! then next, went swimming. Swam for awhile, then come up bathe and changed, went out again. Went for 4D matrix and Cineplex. I love the 4Dmatrix, and seriously love it to bits. It's fun.
Next day didn't do much, drank at the night, slept in the bloody cold room. Because me and sis were both too lazy to stand up and adjust the temperature till i cannot stand it.
Next day went to PP to have fish soup with ex-collegues. Avoided her, simply because I don't feel like seeing her face and answering questions that I've answer more than thrice and being critise more than enough.
Accompany Simone to Arab street to buy her crystals. She zhng her Itouch. It's quite fun when you're too bored and have nothing to do. I quite enjoy helping her do though. But I don't want to do my phone or whatever, because it's just isn't me with such stuff. I rather i help people do.
Met up with Fay again. We were late... due to unexpected circumstances. Went to chomp chomp to eat. The both of them seems to fall in love with gardens. Which I'm kinda bored of it. Saw Rebecca with her bro and friend there.
Then when going home, I recieved a missed call from shirley. Then she sms-ed, to call her immediately, URGENT. So I thought what big thing happened, I return her call immediately when I saw the sms.
She told me she met one of the junior, YanYee. And was told that Adella wants to quit PSL/Interact. Then all of them don't know what to do. And it seems like interact is closing down soon. So I actually contacted Adella, asked her about it.
It was actually quite some time back already. Mainly because of her results. But now her parents all this ok already. Talked to her alittle, making sure she feels alright and fine, not too stress up. Her studies definately more important than anything else. Was told that miss lim ain't taking any action, but according to adella, miss lim did spoke to her.
Simone said, time to move on, you already left the school, no point looking back.
But to me, this club gave me the oppotunity to learn and to grow. I want my juniors to benefit the same as I do. So that people who's a committee member of that club would grow, learn and excel together.
Wanying, I know when you read this, you might be jumping. Either because the club yao dao le(I doubt is this one, because we all expected already.) or Why the hell I go chap into it again. Don't get too worried. I'm just sharing what I've learn, like what I've learnt from you and shan shan and other seniors. I think you would also want juniors to learn, grow and excel like how we did, right? Don't spread this to jiayi they all, I want to keep it low-profile from the seniors. I don't want later everyone start calling adella up, she feel more stress.
Everything's fine now.
It's fine now.
Oh people. I feel like cutting short hair. Not that kind of short. But alittle longer. Had been thinking for quite sometime, because I want my hair to grow longer, so at least when cut right, I have more choice ar. But see, Simone also have the courage to cut short hair already. So yar, my next off, I will go cut. Weather so hot. Then at night bath, hair so difficult to dry. But I hope I'll look good with it lor. Pray hard.
8:25 AM
Last 2 days was a enjoyment.Shall blog more about the trip and makan session tonight when I'm back from work.
HA! I'm gonna try to bake molten chocolate lava cake tonight when I'm back from work. HOHO!
Sunday, February 1, 2009, 8:50 PM
Dignity, Integrity, Retribution
My anger for that brainless asshole have yet to go down.I think honesty is one important life value you must have in life. Yes, though sometimes you can keep honesty away, still it's a case-to-case basis. Pilferage is something that cannot be prevented from a F&B operation. But tell me about it, which dumbass would actually steal food to eat secretly when, there already isn't enough for sales? Tell me.
Please ah, steal also steal smartly lar. You don't want people to know you stealed food, then throw away evidence of sales lar. Those recipes, dump them, at least there isn't a chance for people to count.
Yes, I'm talking about stealing. If we're eating in the kitchen, and we did not pay, it means stealing.
Talking back to honesty. Yes, the sales these few days is slightly off better. But still, sales isn't that GREAT that we're taking so much stock right. You think people is dumb is it? They ain't lor, they know $400 sales one day can sell how much one lor. And dumbass, you're getting me into trouble one day. Seriously.
Asshole had climbed over my head. I don't want to raise my voice or whatsoever. Those who knows me, will know, once I raise my voice, I tends to quarrel. I'm already controlling myself. If carries on like that, don't blame me for taking actions.
Always asking me to take more stock, stock up on our side. But brainless, you must understand about the 'limited space' theory lor. Take so much, no place to put. Then stock up for you to eat. All you know how to do is eat and eat. Asshole, you so rich, cannot afford to buy your own food ar?
Then just because I was going over to RC to take things that I never finish taking in the morning, you make me take the things that were meant for tomorrow morning. I me, carry so many things over to Funan. Then tomorrow morning, you got so LITTLE to carry. How fair can that be? There's nothing fair in the world. You're such a BIG BULLY! And just because you want to go smoke with fauzi, I got to waste my time to stay there. And reason behind me staying is because it isn't nice of you to go smoking just because fauzi is here. What the big fuck about it? You don't want them to know, then don't go lar. Why hide such stuff, fact is that you need a puff, just go lar.
I swear, this man here, will live remorsefully in future. He doesn't have any dignity nor integrity. I swear, I look down on this guy. He will live in days of guilt. Till the day he repent, is the day he dies.
Derrick, you're nobody. Don't try arguing with me things you ain't sure of. When I tell you there isn't butter, don't tell me there is. When I tell you inside chiller got 2 hamburger buns, don't tell me there's only 1. When I tell you there isn't enough space to stock up another box, don't tell me there is. I would argue when I know I'm right, if I'm uncertain, for sure I won't argue. I don't go things that puts myself at risk.
I'll let you run the kitchen, show me you can. If you can't remember those SOPs, don't come stab one look with me. Lindsay is just too nice, you're climbing over her head. You're just far too much. If I tell you all this, would you listen? You wouldn't. Just because I'm still young, you think I'm still of childish thoughts. Please, when you're old, doesn't mean you says the call.
You're just some pervertic old man. And hearing unbelievable remark of you irks me. You're providing prostitute service? I hope you get aids. An unbearable long term disease. Pain, pain is all that you'll be feeling. Pain + guilty just before you move on to the next phase of life. Oh man, you got it all.
You're the next voodoo doll that I just stab on. Good Luck.