♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
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Sunday, April 26, 2009, 6:39 PM
I'm rather bored, and have got nothing to do. So I shall update my blog.Yesterday morning, I had difficulties waking up. I was so tired I slept like a log. And I was dreaming of saliza too. I just miss her. Haven't seen her for 2 years already. Didn't have chance to meet, timing always clash.
After that went for cycling, with sis, kamz and her 2 siblings.
We cycled from east coast park, to changi beach, then back to east coast park again. In total, it's about 30 km. It was tiring okay! Till now, my butt hurts. And body aching, because too long never exercise already.
And everywhere I go yesterday, I just think of saliza. Firstly, I dreamt of her in the morning. Then when I see people cycling the couple bike, it reminds me of me fetching her behind during our first 4e (or 3e) gathering, she was wearing black skirt then. Then after cycling, me and sis went to prata house at yio chu kang road to eat. Then again, I saw a couple eating Nasi Bryani, then I see our image again. Of us, eating bryani together before and after school.
Friend, I miss you. =D
Tuesday, April 21, 2009, 12:04 AM
Seriously, I'm not eligible to be her friend.After all those big huha over the weekends, i know it's not gonna end.
Yes, another blow came onto me just now. She said:
- When she cry, I ignored her. Somemore ignore until like very obvious.
.Hey, since when I ignored her. I would go all the way to the toilet to find her- the first time i saw her crying. I asked her, if she's okay, she said she is, so i left her alone to calm down- the second time. TELL ME LAH, SINCE WHEN I IGNORED HER. FUCKING ASSHOLE! It seems more like what she said to the boyfriend, is herself loh!
- I talked to her only when I'm happy. It depends on my mood.
. This is getting so unreasonable. Everytime, I wants to talk to her in the kitchen, she'll walk away, go talk to some other people. Oh fuck. Ever since I go harbourfront, I never not happy at all lehs. I was fucking happy everyday. And I meant EVERYDAY.
Just what sin had I commit. Do I deserve such stuffs? Fine, spread these nonsense, flood me, let me drown. Good enough, I wouldn't be able to survive in this industry, you take them all. Is this what you want? Get alive. Only stupid people make judgement on things they heard. Clever ones will have eyes.
She's getting things personal to me. From me ignoring her and stuffs. NOTHING TO TALK, THEN WANT ME TALK WHAT?
GO ON, SPREAD ALL RUMOURS YOU WANT. GO! I THINK SHE SHOULD BE THE PRODUCER FOR CHARITY SHOW. CONFIRM EARN ALOT MONEY ONE! I TELL YOU. WANT GAIN SYMPATHY, PLEASE, NOT ME. YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG TARGET.
YES, EVERYTHING'S IN CAPS NOW. I'M JUST TOO FUCKING ANGRY/UPSET WITH THIS BITCH NOW. YOU DIDN'T GET IT WRONG, I'M SCOLDING MY DEAR FRIEND, A BITCH.
I AGREE WITH HER DEAREST BOYFRIEND'S PM, NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER. DAMN THIS GIRL. SUCHA BITCH. THOSE INNOCENT FACE. I KNOW, SHE JUST AIN'T THIS INNOCENT. COWARD FREAK, GET LOST! EVERYTHING HAPPEN, ONLY KNOW HOW TO CRY. GO ON!
GO PHYSCO ANYONE YOU CAN FIND ON THE STREET TOO. I'LL BE HAPPY THAT YOU DO ALL PUBLICATION FOR ME. LET EVERYONE KNOW ME. THANK YOU!
Saturday, April 18, 2009, 11:58 PM
I'll go straight to the point today, no beating round the bush.I may not be the only one being hurt in this situation. In fact, everyone is injured mentally somehow. Pening this down, would remind me of a lesson learnt, on how to treat people.
From the very start of school, we were all rather close. And because of my character, trying to put a face infront of them, caused an unnecessary conflict. During that period of time, she confronted me. Thinking that I'm the bad man, who talks bad about her to her dearest boyfriend, which eventually link it to their quarrel. I didn't talked bad about her to her dearest boyfriend, is the boyfriend's friends did. What she said to me the other time, I can never forget. She told me that if I want to be her friend, she's okay with it. If I don't wish to, there isn't a need to back talk her.
I really wish I could use back these words on her. Simply following her instruction, and there isn't a need to continue the friendship anymore. But if I were ever to do so, would just reflect on how childish a person I am. So, I'm not gonna do that. I should handle the situation properly, and more maturely.
That was the 1st incident.
After a few months, I've accepted the girls again, and vice versa. As all of us would have known, she and her dearest boyfriend's relationship, is on rocky stone. As usual, quarrel, fight, shout. One fine day, she quarreled with him again, he slapped her with a book. She came up crying. We can't take the fact that a guy actually hits a girl, so we reported to our mentor. She blamed us for doing so. We were all pissed, and decided to heck care already.
So as we thought it had all ended. We stopped talking to her for a period of time. Only as and when if there's a need to talk, we'll talk.
I was transferred to harbourfront, during the 3 months of training. She's there, so of cos, a little closer to her, since I see her almost everyday. Treating her rather well during that 1 month period. Well, I would say like normal friend, taking care of one another, not to the extent of good friends yet.
Back to school. After 2 weeks, things stirred up again, for the third time.
She was on and off with the boyfriend- nothing's new. And like what I would have described, we were treated like pads. During the regular of redness comes, she have a fight with him, she will need to use us. She does not use us for that long as compared to menses, trust me. We were used 1 day, then we will be on standby in her bag already.
Her boyfriend came to confront the boyfriend of one of the girls. Trying to pass the message over to the rest of us. Things stirred up really much. She actually told him that we ignored her, except 2 people- one sits next to her every class, the other is our 'mafia'. I was one of them who ignored her, as she claims. If there isn't anything to talk, then want me talk what? If I suddenly go tell her jokes, she would be unhappy with me, i know it too well.
Fine with that. The day before I went back to work. People asked me, if I'm still talking to her. On the day itself when things stirred up, chef called, asking me the same question. She's quite close to this two people who asked me the same question. Yes, I suspect she backstabbed me. But I chose not to confront her, about anything. So what if she really did tell them, there's nothing I can do either. I'll just take it as though is casually asking about friends.
The boyfriend actually wants us to bring her back into our clique. Knowingly my personality, I wouldn't accept her any further. But I'm giving myself sometime. I'm not saying that I would forgive her, because there's nothing to forgive.
Take it or leave it. I'm just gonna treat her as a normal person, probably like a collegue. I talk only if there's a need. Or else, I wouldn't talk to her much. I can't bring myself to chit chat and care for her as much as the past.
She gave me 3 scars, each one got deeper. Those cuts really hurts.
I'm sorry, I'm not eligible for being your friend. Please leave me alone.
Sunday, April 12, 2009, 12:14 AM
To be Remembered
I've been really bored! I'd done like tons of quizzes on facebook to cure this sickness of mine. Currently, boredom is a kind of sickness, that I would define it.Alot of thoughts had been on mind these two days.
Somehow, new goal in life. Say I bullshit or what, but at least I would make and effort to go towards it. If it happens that anyone is unhappy with my goal, then show me yours (;
1. I'm gonna work damn hard in this career.
2. I'm not gonna have any guys appearing in my life. They'll disturb my no-emo life.
3. I want to work in hotels.
4. I want to be promoted to chef de partie, in 3 years.
5. I want to be promoted from CDP to junior/ senior Sous chef in 3-5 years.
6. Work as sous chef for 2 years.
7. Open my own F&B operation.
8. Give myself some time to test market with my 'baby', I'll give it a 3 years.
To be continued..
That's all(:
Labels: goal
Saturday, April 11, 2009, 11:23 AM
I had a dream last night.I dreamt that wanying and jiayi came to celebrate my birthday with me.
I was in some terrace house, I suppose, in a big bedroom ( in the dream it was my room). While I was sleeping, jiayi came. When I woke up, there was only jiayi. She told me to quickly wake up and wash up. Then we'll go celebrate somewhere esle.
Then when I was picking me clothes, I discovered someone inside my cardboard( apparently, I think i dreamt of that, because I watch shopaholic yesterday). Then ta-dah, I found wanying inside, jiayi brought her in.
This dream seems to be a surprise.
Oh, I would be more than happy if I were to get a surprise for my birthday though. I never had one. =D
Thursday, April 9, 2009, 11:46 PM
Simone, you wondering how did it went right? Here's the detailed part.Initially, I was suppose to go meet him once I end class. But this stupid fellow, went to make appointment at 4.30pm. So he would be late. Fine, delayed till 6.30pm. Then delay to 7pm, cos he late again. Then when I left funan at 6.50pm, he told me he took cab, asking me if I knows how to go bras basah myself. Fine, so I made my way there myself.
Met him, awkwardness started. Went to the bookshop, he look at books, I gave excuse that I wanna look around, to avoid further awkwardness. So I went round walking. Then I'm back with him again. Oh fuck, that awkward feeling, fucking weird can. Keep quiet, then don't know what to talk, then anyhow touch 1 book to read. Then he chose a book. I paid. Go for 'dinner'.
He suggested that we go try one stall, sell homemade icecream, first. So ok lor, went, then try those flavours. Fucking nice. WHO HAVE EATEN SALTY ICE CREAM BEFORE?! I've tried them. :) He paid for my share, using his 'emergency' money. Because he used up all his money on cab. Initally I WAS THE ONE PAYING LEHS! Then he say he offer.
Buy already, he actually asked if wanna sit down and eat, but I don't want, I want walk around, there so small. So end up walking around, getting to know each other's flavour. He like sweet stuffs, that's what I was told.
I like that feeling, though abit funny, whereby, when eating ice cream right, we were trying each other's de ice cream. It feels, sweet? But good thing, I knew I wasn't blushing.
In fact, while eating and walking, to wherever our legs bringing us to, I didn't know where I was going. All I did was, I followed him. =.='''
Walk walk walk, ended up at bugis junction. Wha lan ehs, I tired already. And we skipped dinner, because we weren't hungry. Then after he go withdraw money, this stupid fellow, tell me he hungry. Don't know where and what to eat. Then he say go amk. Ok lor, also don't know what to eat, then I say S11 lor.
So trained down. Ok throughout, we chatted alot. I mean real lot.
Ate at s11, god damn, I wasn't hungry. But I ordered for the sake of not seeing him eat alone. So I ordered chicken chop, ate the chicken, some of the coleslaw, some of the bean, half the garlic bread, and few pieces of fries. I WASN'T HUNGRY!
Then talk talk talk again. Sigh.
EHS, HE SCARED OF COCKROACH CAN! wha lau.
Oh, he is very much guilty that he made me wait for him so long(about 45 mins to an hour). Thank god he was. And he love the book. Great.
He is the second guy, who made me wait. 1st was haojie, 2-3 hours. 2nd is him, about an hour.
Headed home after that, I walked home myself.
I'm shag, I'm bloody tired. Fuck.
OHOH! If ever there's a day when I'm with him. I CANNOT WEAR HEELS! I wear slipper, he same height as me lehs!!!! wtf.
and, he studied physcology one. Then how come he can't tell my feelings for him lehs. Since he can read body language. =.='''
Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 10:47 PM
Hmmm, what to blog for today?Why not blog something about me, which some of you may not know?
HEHE!
Give the question a guess,
My eating habits.
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Okay, answers.
1. Definately BIG NONO!
Ginger.
I hate the taste of ginger. I'm ok to have them in my food. But I would literally, TAKE them OUT!
2. another BIG NONO!
Frog leg.
I hate it, I HATE IT. Although I would have tried that tiny winy bit before, and it taste good. BUT I can't bring myself to eat it. It's far too disguisting lehs. That stupid frog, look so ugly, so muddy like that, then skinned it and eat it? OMFG! I HATE FROG. EEEEEWWWW!
3. a NO, but acceptable.
Green Pepper; Green Capsicum
I dislike that taste. Okay with the smell. I always argue with people who says red pepper and green pepper taste the same. IT'S DIFFERENT OKAY! red pepper is slightly sweeter than the green ones, I got this info from Iron Chef btw. I can't eat it alone, if small piece, accompanied by other food, okay. Not a big piece by itself please.
4. Yes Yes!
I Love thos leafy vegetables, cabbage, blah blah blah.
& just that I don't eat bittergourd.
5. Allegies!
I can't really take seafood. Those clams, crabs. Shellfishes I would say. I get diarrhoea.
I can't take bird nest! Since young lor. People eat bird nest, skin pretty pretty, i eat fish skin only. WTF. Don't give me anything got to do with it, although it might be fake birdnest, you'll be guilty conscious. My eyes will swell, into a biggest fishball you would see on earth. Yes, that bad.
6. Seasons!
I love black pepper.
I don't really like salty stuff. It can be flavourful, but please, not salty.
Fries without salt, Please! add black pepper for me instead(:
Enough of blogging for today.
Thanks for humouring me for putting up with me.
And for those who guessed correctly,
I'm sorry,
but there's no prize to it. =D
BYE!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009, 8:32 PM
okay, back to blogging again. Because someone wants me to update, thinking that I'm not schooling. :PApparently, back to school already. A little different this term. Doesn't know, to be happy or to be sian luhs. Previously, I only have 4 modules each term, and have at least 2 practical a week. Now, I have 7 modules to do, 1 practical a week, but it's BAKING AND PASTRY! WEEEE~
Many LOVES to the modules I'm doing currently, kinda interested in them. But as predicted, I'll be very stress this term. I can't afford to fail. My gpa had been maintained at around 3.47-3.50. JIAYOU! I'll be able to make it!
I realised something, I'm getting fucking wild after I come back from Coffee Club lehs! Now ah, I play and joke with my clique, like nobody's business, no longer as sensitive. :D And, I RAPED Nas together with Grace, Kamz and Ria today! LOL. Anw, nothing new luhs, she always kena raped. Now she see me also she run.
Tomorrow gotta have photo taking, for the dumb student pass. This stupid school, owe us our student ID for so long lor, 9 months already lehs! Then needa wear smart-casual to formal. WEAR MY BLOUSE! =D
I kinda feel happier and happier in school now! My class like so cute like that lars! Alot of nonsense, alot of jokes! Everyone's like laughing together lor!
On a total no-link note, I'll be meeting him on thurs! Yipee! Going to meet him to go bras basah, likely bahs. Or wherever, he wants to go. Still, if later talk half-way, 冷场how?! Go with the flow right, all would say. Yar lor, only can like that, what can I do sia. I think he actually have the intension to come to school area to meet me, 'cos he asked where's class, I said Bukit Batok. He ASKED ME, WHERE IS BUKIT BATOK! so I told him near jurong east, HE SAID HE DON'T KNOW WHERE, DON'T KNOW HOW TO GO! >.< alamak! Wonder, how thurs will turn out to be. Hope it'll turn out good(:
Simone, update already! =D And I'M SCHOOLING!
Thursday, April 2, 2009, 11:59 PM
OKAY! I'm having mixed feelings in me right now, again.I'm happy because, I'll be off to batam tomorrow afternoon/evening. Will be returning only on sun morning/afternoon. I'm excited for the trip. Oh my god, it's like finally a family trip after 10 over years.
I'm also abit down. Yes, it's stupid, because I hadn't seen someone online for days already. The last time I met him online was tuesday afternoon, planning to meet. =/ But end up, didn't meet due to timing clashes lah. Then I never see him online, never chat with him for days.
I changed my msn pm, to the chinese one : 你的声音那么近，但我却抱不到。
I don't know if he was that smart to link it to himself. But it's still part of a song though. Jay chou's Cai Hong.
Say I'm thinking too much or whatever-more to come next few days. Maybe he block me or what lehs. I also don't know. Since I got no medium of checking, since simone ain't online. Sian, I don't know lah. If really is blocking ah. Then I finally understand, how others will feel. Maybe he felt these way the other time, but I dun think so lah. It's like, you always see this person online. But then end up suddenly you don't see him online for days. Then you start wondering, where he/she go to, why never online.
Aiyo, think too much le..
Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 1:31 AM
I think I hadn't have so much fun for like the past 3 months?Maybe have lar, but not so crazy.
Met simone, 12+ go eat in the noon. All the way till 12 midnight. thank god,it's whole of 12 hours i suppose.
Had craziess fun in fitting rooms. I made her try clothes like mad. So long, since I've made ppl try those clothes I choose for them. I had fun though.
Next, endless walking. We doesn't know where to go, walking aimlessly. End up went nydc to have teatime. Suppose to meet him for dinner tgt, but end up, simone say she hungry. And tadah! the earliest dinner i ever eaten, at 4+.
After that, go shopping again, fitting room madness again!!!
Then go partyworld sing k, since i've got discount 20%.
Seriously seriously fun can. Omg, I've never done those things at a ktv before, but i did them today. >.< Can laugh like shit somemore.
Headed home. Took bus. Stopped at the nearest bus stop, and walk home.
Really happy day! :)