♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010, 4:54 PM
I borrowed his book, about 1 week plus ago. I know I can't finish reading, and I know he wants it back when I return to work. So I took it to photocopy. I know it can't be bought in singapore, and also to photocopy for a precised and detailed book like this, with not much pictures, it's worth it. I happily took it to photocopy. When I took my copy, I first checked the original, if inside wad ok. It didn't occur to me the outside would be affected. Till when I hold the book, I feels winkles on the side of the book. They photocopy, pressed so hard that there're bent marks, pretty obvious on the hardcover. I've sms-ed him to tell him about it and apologies, but have yet to reply. Probably he'll be fuming mad. But seriously, I didn't do it with intention of spoiling his book. Sigh, if I'm the one, I also angry la. So new a book, only able to be bought in london, lend to people, come back my book cover become like 10years old.
If it weren't because of me, being greedy, wanting another book, that can't be bought in singapore. All this wouldn't have happened. I'm really sorry. But I don't know what else I can do besides apologies...
My heart feels so heavy, really heavy.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010, 10:09 PM
Everytime you step close, everytime you come close. I can feel you, I can feel my heartbeat fast.
It feels like dream, yet I wish it's dejavu.
Hoping for things to develop, yet I don't wish to hold high hopes.
High hopes, makes me fall deeper.
Every guy I meet, every different experience I get.
Maybe, more will come by soon.
Monday, June 14, 2010, 11:03 PM
Boyfriend
What's the whole point of having a boyfriend?Common Question.
Someone: Yesterday off, go where? Go out with boyfriend?
Me: No boyfriend to go out with lah.
Someone: Why no boyfriend?
Me: .... How I know?
Somone: Go find one lah.
Me: I tried, I wanted people, people don't want me.
Someone: *silent* (dare not ask further)
So why? I know, deep down my heart I want a boyfriend quite badly though. But not that I've not tried, I've tried, but no one wants me. Probably it's karma, for me laughing at my sis to have her 1st boyfriend only when she's 18. Now it's my turn.
I know somethings can't be rushed. But... I'm getting kind of impatient.
I'm a idiot at love.
Sunday, June 13, 2010, 11:36 PM
You've make my mind pretty sure. I should stop 'jumping' and observe to what you're trying to tell me. When would the day come, when you come clean with me about everything? I know there're somethings you know, just that you rather keep quiet about it. When would you tell them to me? I won't force, I'll just wait.Using brain to think, I can come up with lots of things positive. Using feelings to think, it's 50-50. Using heart to feel, I don't know.
Another 10days to go! :D
Thursday, June 10, 2010, 12:10 AM
I've finally picked up the courage and asked chef william this evening, regarding abt full time. He gave me a look with assurance, that I'm sure to get the job. I can rest assured now. I can't wait any longer, although I said I would wait till he approach me. It's not that I'm desperate for a job now, I could lived without a job for probably half a month or so. But just that sis is planning to resign, so she needs me to be stable for the moment, at least for the household.Today's a great day for me, I swear. :) Early in the morning, I had breakfast with him. Then walked to work together. Then kind of working together with him, because I need to help him with the indian curries. I know, it's just work. After work went out movies together with him, jen and yy. Though again, I don't get to sit with him, it's alright. Pressences that counts. Trained back together with him n Yy. Yy got down the train first, followed by me.
After Yy alighted, he started telling me about his first job experience as a banquet staff, and how much he earns. I'm surprise, he starts such conversation with me. Chit chat a little, and I've reached my station. I was like, 'damn, why can't train moves slower today?!' It's so fast to reach!
I realised, everytime we chat, we do give eye contacts. However, most of the time, I don't know why, I can't look into his eyes for more than a second. I feel comfortable with him around, just that I don't know why, I would feel shy looking into his eyes.
If only, today would be everyday. :)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 11:48 AM
Don't know if it's because that I'm finishing my attachment or what, but I'm kind of starting to lose my interest in working. I'm working without a heart, all I've been doing these days, I just go work, ask me to do things, I just do, I don't know what's going on.Going to work now, ends up to be more like, making coffee, buy coffee.
It's no longer working as a kitchen staff, it's more of working as a maid. To serve people, to listen to orders of masters. This kind of life, kinds of sucks. It took my interest, my motivation away.
FASTER, I WANT TO HAVE MY FULL TIME IN COLD KITCHEN! AT LEAST, I WORK LIKE A STAFF THERE, NOT A MAID!
Saturday, June 5, 2010, 11:27 PM
The teasing did not lessen, instead, it gets more and more ridiculous. It may be pure disturbing, or tongues may wag because of something that had happened. If it's pure disturbing it's perfectly fine, but I'll shy one leh. If it's due to something that happened, what could it be? It's not from my side, because, I don't even know, what and where went wrong, I didn't do anything beyond friends.From the way people say things, seiously makes me feel more....suspicious. More like you got something to do with it. And you have got very good skills, of which to 'act blur' and just keeps quiet, pretending not to hear anything. Not missing out, your fantastic answer of 'dunno' all the time.
You makes me want to ask you out for a talk, just between the two of us, but I wouldn't. Because I really wants to know, what's happening, and why had I became the topic of people. However, I chose to believe, that you are mature enough, when you have the courage, you would automatically comes to me and tells me about it. If it's predestiny to be meant for one another, the day would come, just when.
I believe in predestiny. Well, I meant by in relationship wise. Career, family, there's always things you can do to work hard and change things round. However, Love, I don't think there can be of anyways, it all depends on feelings. When one is meant for the other, you could feel, and when it matches, that's when Love sparks. If there's no feeling, if both hearts don't match, no matter how hard one tries, there's no point to it. If no feeling, hearts match, maybe still have chance.
I seems to be talking crap. I know nothing about love. I'm a sucker at love. So even there's something to do with him, I wouldn't know. Because I don't know how it's like, to be loved by a man. I need to be told.
I'm sorry if I'm an idiot at it, even though if there's any hint. I'm just a sucker for it. I, would wait for you to make the first move. Even if it meant rejection.
10:37 PM
一星期不见，我想念。Friday, June 4, 2010, 12:20 AM
I don't know why but time and time again, the assurance he gives, makes me trust and believe him. PS. Don't ask me who is he. But it ain't about r/s.