♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
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Saturday, May 22, 2010, 12:29 AM
I screwed up at work today.It was an important function for our kitchen tomorrow. The white asparagus are expensive and limited. What the fuck did I do, by not even being able to peel them clean, sucha easy job? What was wrong with me, where's my quality standard I always have for myself? End up, chefs weren't happy, all needs to be re-peeled once again.
And why the fuck was I being smart-alec to tell people, 'oh chef didn't peeled it so high up' when it's meant to? And people starts to push to blame all to another person. I'm at fault. Why didn't they just scream and yell at me? Chef Kenny nagged, Kelvin nagged. But in the end, chef kenny taught me about the logic behind blanching things and running through cold water, etc. I feel real bad! Everytime I screw things up, they would just double the job for me. Then just nag and that's it. Then tell me, it's okay, it's a lesson learnt.
Well, usual me, when I've done something wrong and I knew I was at fault, I would stop myself from finding fault on others, and fuck myself real hard in the mind. I'm upset. Believe they could tell. When I'm upset with my performance at work, I keep quiet, do things, and wouldn't smile no matter how hard you try, maybe I would, but it'll look real fake.
Yes, I'm petty. Still harping on the issue of asparagus despite it happened like 4-5hours ago at work, and now almost bed time.
Incidents like this, would not be forgotten. It'll be remembered so I wouldn't make the same mistake again. I'm sorry, I was I fault. I didn't apologised to chef, cos I think there's no point of me apologising since the last thing he would want had already happened.
He trusted me already, yet I let him down. Then again, I need to work harder to regain his faith in me, my work. It's not so easy. I know I have to push myself further. I wasn't in the best performance, I know I could do it better.