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Pamela Lim
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Saturday, January 2, 2010, 8:43 PM
2009 / 2010
I supposed to have plans to go clubbing/ countdown on the eve. But ended up working, hence plan cancelled, as I don't know what time I'll end. Then big present came, I very sian 1/2 want to come home. Was feeling very uncomfortable. So didn't wait for collegues to go for supper. Tried calling so many people to come out, for meet up, but unfortunately, it's a hard-to-get-people date, I was too late. Came home instead. Reached home exactly at 12am.And I was kind of emo that night.
Last week, got rejected. Then new year's eve want to go countdown, end up cancelled. Then the guy I sort of 'like' at work, one of the collegue i quite close with, fell for him. Omg, is like 2 friends having crush on the same guy. Then she was out with him that day. Then she messaged me some funny sms, saying what things like, 'I think I start to like you', 'thanks for the company', 'sorry to make you drunk'. They went drinking, he went to find her after that.
It's like, I know it was just a crush, and this close friend of mine doesn't know. And the people who knows right, thinks that I just play play only, because they know I have someone in mind. Then this friend of mine, explained to me, how he end up with her, blah blah blah. WHY EXPLAIN TO ME?! I RATHER NOT KNOW! Eddie's just a crush/substitute to keep my mind at work.
And yes, I got rejected. I told myself to move on. I'm still talking to him. I feel awkard, trying nt to. But you know something, the feeling's still there. I still like him lehs. Why can't I get over him? Tried to focus on work instead. But still my mind filled with him. Tried to think of eddie even more than him okay, but it still didn't work. It went one big round, and back to him again. I wished my heart is dead, so I wouldn't have to be bothered. I tried stopping my mind to think over, but then it's like my heart keep telling me to wait wait. Sigh, I'm bullshitting again. Love is something that I'll never understand. Because I never had one.
Okay, today marks the first mistake I did in 2010. I almost burnt down the whole cold kitchen. Thank god, I stop the fire too.
End up update. :)
什么时候I will be fine?