♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
Eightteen
Shatec Institutes
Diploma in Culinary Skills
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 7:39 PM
First day of official working. Quite okay, just that I'm still slow. There's alot more to improve.Anyway, alot of thinking during the bus journey back. Half journey thinking, the after half, I fell asleep.
If I could rewrite the whole story.
I would have turned back the time to 2004.
Go back to the staircase, and just walked pass.
I shouldn't have trusted you so much;
I told you too much;
I relied on you too much.
Too much, that I cannot live without you.
You made me dependent on you.
My life had been rough through those years.
Many things happened, a happening one.
You were there, listening, giving advice.
I encoded those message, and decoded.
Putting everything into actions.
Equals to I've completely placed my trust on you.
On the other hand, I'm grateful that you were there.
Leading me to the bright end of those tunnels.
Meetings wasn't as frequent.
I doesn't know how to classify our friendship.
Is it just a Hi-Bye Friend, is it just normal friends, is it best friends?
Probably to him, it's a normal friendship.
To me, it's a special friendship.
Never talked about friendship between us.
Only relationship of his.
How much is the trust between the two of us?
He knows too much of me.
I know too little of him.
What is this?
Fate?
Destiny?
It was all not planned.
But it just happened somehow.
I said bloody much times saying that I would give up.
So where's the GIVE UP now?
I find myself thinking of him as and when in the day.
The things he said to me.
So what's next?
*Wo ren ming le. Ai Qing fang mian, wo ren ming. Yi qie rang yue lao lai jue ding le. Wo zhuo bu liao zu.*
Monday, June 29, 2009, 9:10 PM
Short update today. Before I go off to end my day.First day at conrad. Somehow start to love conrad though. Haven't been through work, but yet the kind of feeling they gave. It was really heartwarming. So far the places I worked in, it seems like there will be someone who 'diao' you at work on your first day. I didn't experience it today! Infact, people I don't even know, smiled at me.
I hope Conrad would provide me with a fruitful journey over this one year.
The problem that lies between, is me.
Sunday, June 28, 2009, 5:53 PM
You know me too well, yet I doubt I know you as well.I've only met you by chance, never by destiny.
Well, I've been crapping through.
Simply because I can't think of other things to blog about.
12:19 AM
You do not know the answers to the questions, because you are the answers to all the questions.Saturday, June 27, 2009, 12:07 AM
Internet
What adults had been telling me is so true! Not everything on the internet is true!http://www.clicknetwork.tv/watch.aspx?c=1&p=8&v=217
Go watch it. Xia xue tries to teach people how to make wine at home.
Fucking funny to me. Because, I do know the steps of making wine. It takes 9 steps. And much more efforts than hers to make a bottle of wine. Maybe others do not know, hence they follow the wrong information.
I don't know where the heck she got this information from. But obviously is wrong. So in the future, do homework first before blindly following the wrong informations okay?
This is just my own point of view.
Thursday, June 25, 2009, 9:30 PM
Yesterday noon, went down to Conrad for my uniform fitting.The Housekeeping auntie tell me. 'You come in work must lose weight okay?' LOLS! Because my shirt was a little tight, the pants was just nice. HAHA! Ok lah, I'll try my best.
Then I ownself go eat frolick :) mango flavour with oreo crumb. SO NICE!!
Mum came to fetch me from Suntec, went somewhere, she park bus, then I was sleeping in the bus. Bo bian, very tired.
Today cannot wake up. Drag until 8am then wake up. Went for my medical check up. I so ku ku. I dunno Urine test need how much urine lor! After medical checkup went to marina square to have lunch. Ate long john. Pathetic. I had rice, but without spoon. I also lazy ask, cos only 1 service staff, and there was crowd coming in. Walked to esplanade to take bus to Raffles Hospital.
So laychey now. Everytime go in a hospital need take IC blah blah blah. Took my X-ray then went off. Walked to Shaw Tower, buy a tub of Ice-Cream. It's so nice~ Then trained to amk, then cab home.
Rot awhile, went out to amkhub again. Buy goceries. Came home, cooked dinner. And now rotting here. I cooked tomato pasta and beef balls. Beef balls ain't that nice though.
The taste of the ice-cream, ain't as sweet. The routes I took, is exactly the same. Just that this time round, I'm all alone.
And I did mention right, MY TOE NAIL IS COMING OFF!!!! #!#$!$%$#
GROSS! Now it's like my flesh is flesh, my nail is my nail. They ain't together! GGRRRR!
9:03 PM
Chalet from 22 to 24.22June
Woke up early in the monring, went to seng shion buy things, prepared then head to Nas's house. Collected stuffs, then to chalet, checked-in late. Pack things, go book pit, collect ice. Bloody hell, the ice, two big bag full. Can't fit into the freezer there lor! So BIG! Then after that went ntuc with grace, two of us buy $127 worth of things. Then carry go take cab until 'he he chuan'. The styreoform box we bought, power sia, the ice won't melt inside one. The ice we had, managed to be kept in shape till we check out. Believe it or not. Power right? Then BBQ at night, fred's group people came over. Blast music there like crazy. They were even dancing in there. That night, nas was bluffed out to buy lighter. While me and grace pretended to be bathing. Then while they went out, we made the cake put on candles etc. Malu, we no lighter, i go out borrow, then I DUNNO HOW TO USE lighter. Damn, the guy said to me, i think you need some help. MALU SIA! Ok, we sabo-ed nas, with the facial whipped cream.
23june
Woke up, rolled on the bed for quite sometime. Prepared breakfast. BBQ-ed again, for lunch. Then headed to E-hub to find entertainment. End up buy movie tickets for 11pm. Watched Transformers 2. Then came back to rest, since we will be sleeping late. Rolled on bed again. Never really sleep. Bed fight, as usual. Wake up, BBQ again. Then bathed and headed for movies. Nas left after nap. She skipped movies too. After movies, came back, faster go cut watermelon for next day. Packed nas's stuff, then she came to collect. Then we starting drinking sparkling wine. EEE taste like red wine. Although abit sweet. But not to my liking. Had 1.5 cup. With peanuts. Can't really sleep though, next door too noisy. Slept after 3am.
24june
Woke up at 8am. Eat breakfast, Pack up. Return bbq pit. Then back home.
Later half of the day i post next post.
And we can't stop farting for hell goodness sake.
Ain't it nice to fart?
Sunday, June 21, 2009, 11:59 PM
ARGH!Why the fucking hell am I feeling that I'm just someone you chats with because you've no other people to talk to?!
Why the fuck am I thinking that those my-so-called-concerns are all so fake?!
I don't know la hor!
Anw, I miss my brother. :(
Friday, June 19, 2009, 11:35 PM
It's time to control
It's really time for me to control my spendings. Really.Spent so much these days. Withdrawing money everyday, since mum isn't giving me any allowance now. God, I feel like dying. POSB account money going down. Somemore, I'm still half a month away from my payslip. I've yet to buy things for chalet bbq. I've yet to done my pedicures. I want to dye my hair. So many things. How?!?! Somemore all this is just NOW.
I really got to save now. Starting from today, I want to control myself.
At the age of 19-20, I want to take my driving license, I want to pass. At the age of 23-24, I want a car of my own. I want to drive people around. Making things more convenient. If I don't start saving, how would I have the money to learn driving at 19. How would I have enough money to buy a car?
I really need to learn, how to spend money only on things I really need. Only less than 1 week that mum haven't given me money, I feels like dying already. HOW?! I NEED TO SAVE!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 12:33 AM
Before we go on seperate paths
Yes, I'm only left less than a week to be with these girls.I'm trying very hard to rush out a video. With all the pictures that had been captured during this 1 year that we've met. Been through thick and thin together this one year. Staying close to each other, almost everyday. Meeting each other less than 1 year, we've stayed out late, stay over so many times. The kind of bond we made, though yes, there's hatred till now, but still, incredible.
I know I'd been contradicting myself. But when staying with them almost everyday for a year, all of a sudden, the next one year, you won't be meeting them as much. It's weird. It's kind of feeling as though there is no immediate support.
Even now, the slides, I only have 4 slides, playing along with the music, melts my heart already. So what's more to come?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009, 11:26 AM
I feel like blogging.But I just doesn't know what to blog about.
My internship starting on 29june! Omg, I scared can! What if later go in, then the chefs everything also find fault with me how?! But at the same time, I'm kinda looking forward to it. This is the year I would learn the most.
Okay, everything's so random, I know.
Anw, next wk I going for cycling! From ECP to Changi Beach. Any interested parties??
HAHAHA! I doubt anyone. It's a fucking crazy 4 hours cycle, make it 5 instead (include break). Sit until your butt pain!
I'm looking forward to my one week holiday. Very short I now, but events are coming up!
Gotta go. See ya!
Monday, June 15, 2009, 9:44 AM
Why?
Why is it that Fairmont/Swissotel came so late? That I've already accepted Conrad. And now, one of my best buddy is going to swissotel, my very first choice.Why is it that Conrad is so fast? There goes my Swissotel.
Probably, I'll just say that, Swissotel, Fairmont, Conrad, Raffles, we're all the same. Afterall, it's all 5-star.
Things happen for a reason. Maybe this is the path God had planned for me, and unconciously I've followed.
Sunday, June 14, 2009, 12:31 PM
I have the urge to blog now.Sometimes I really wonder.
Sometimes I doubt if you knows.
Sometimes I hate myself for thinking too much.
But I hate everytime, when you doesn't know.
You yourself said, that I've heard countless of girls you wanted.
I know, you just can't figure it out yourself.
You are in search of love too, I know.
But why?
You're always feeling pain, when you don't get them.
Would be telling me about it.
I'm not sure if you tell other friends about it too.
If you don't, I'm glad you told me.
But the kind of feeling I would have, you would never know.
This time, I can't feel much.
Perhaps I've already been numbed to it.
All I could say,
It's not easy to be who I am, in front of you.
Your presence, makes my mind absence.
It's okay, who those who doesn't know what's this all about.
I just need to rant my heart out.
Saturday, June 13, 2009, 11:18 PM
Dance Subaru!
Went to watch this movie just now, after work.It's really inspiring, and motivated me somehow.
Also, today marks my last journey with coffee club :)
Dance subaru, showing that everyone around her is such hypocrites. On stage, there's no friends. Everyone's back-stabbing one another. So true. In kitchen, that's what it is like too. Her passion for dance, brought her something. She fought for it.
I know, I'll be like her one day. Being a Chef for myself, and no one else. And the biggest enermy, is myself, no one else.
I'm working my way through now. All I need, is time.
Very very emotional movie too. But I did not teared, i did not cry. I hold back my tears and emotions.
I don't know why, ever since i-don't-know-when, I told myself I will never tear again. However sad I am, I will keep it to myself, I'll be strong. Since then, although however sad I am, my tears just wouldn't come. Even now, my songs, I can't tear anymore.
I hope all this are good things in life that keeps me going.
Friday, June 12, 2009, 11:29 PM
To be happy or sad?
I seriously got no idea to be happy or to be sad.I got so grouchy these days, because I've sign contract with conrad, which wasn't really one of my choice though. I gave up my interview with fairmont for today. Then Raffles Hotel called me up. Pan Pacific got back to me to arrange for my third interview. God damn it. My Raffles, my fairmont, GONE!
Then I was told I should be happy, that I'm in demand. Indeed, I should! That so many place are offering their time to me, to arrange for an interview. At least they bothered to. And people are also telling me that Conrad is a good place, their banquet is good, the staffs are good. For hell goodness sake, I really know nuts about Conrad.
But like what sis said, things happens for a reason. Perhaps, I may see my future with Conrad? I'm not sure. Just let me get done with my 1 year internship, then I'll have my wings to fly, to find other nest to settle in. I pray hard.
Oh, I don't know why am I so cleveru. I tripped early this morning, then my toe knocked onto the stairs. And my big toe now, BLUE-BLACK! damn, pain:(
Tuesday, June 9, 2009, 9:18 PM
I'll take the bet
Conrad called me this afternoon. Offering me a contract. I was shock, I thought I flunk it that day.I requested for them to put my contract on hold till friday. However, they ain't able to, maximum giving me till tomorrow. I've got a arrangement for an interview on friday with fairmont. The one I really wanted. Still, it's just interview, no confirmation at all.
Hence, making a difficult choice, I'm letting go of Pan Pacific Hotel & Fairmont Hotel/Swissotel.
:( I hate this, but I've got no choice. Everyone's so desperate for a placement, the chance is here, I just have got to go for it. What if, I wait for Pan Pac and Fairmont, then I let go of Conrad, then both Pan Pac and Fairmont doesn't want me?
It's a rush and harsh choice I've made. Be it Conrad being good or bad, I know I'll learn something for definate. I should place my trust into Conrad. I'll take this bet, it's gonna be a one-year experience.
If it's good, then when I graduate, they need full-timer, I'll continue. In any case, what I'm seeking for is just invaluable experience. Wherever can provide me with that, I'll go. It'll just be so unfair, if I says that Conrad can't provide me with what I'm seeking for just because they only own 2 restaurants. I've not worked there, I wouldn't know.
Giving myself a chance to see the kitchen world, and giving them a chance to play the host.
This would be the best gift in my education.
Thank God, that Conrad offer me a place. I should have be happy. Cheers! :)
Sunday, June 7, 2009, 12:04 AM
I think I'm living at such fast pace life, right now. That I feels that my body is aging tons faster than it should be.My time is so much occupied. I've just got enough time to sleep. The rest of the time, i'll have something on.
Sigh.
Friday, June 5, 2009, 8:13 AM
I swear, I am damn bloody nervous now. My heart would stop beating any time.IM NERVOUS!!!!!!
for my interview later. Oh gosh, my first formal interview. I'm scared luhs!
#$!%##%$#!
I'm loss for words already!
1:10 AM
I realised that I hadn't been having enough time to relax.I haven't been blog hopping for don't know how many days sia! Now I go those blog, so many updates already!!
Anyway, I'll be having interviews later. Pan Pac, FiftyThree then Conrad.
I REALLY REALLY PRAY HARD that I'll get conrad.
Nvm, tml conrad last one, which means, I'll be prepared by the first 2 interviews. :D
God! please stand by me!
Monday, June 1, 2009, 9:19 PM
Today's post shall be a little different (:
I've added an image!
I've been spending a few nights before bedtime to sketch this.
Finally I came up with something. From my brain.
Anyway, it is:
Chicken Roulade with Espaguole
Espaguole is another word for brown sauce actually. it's in the middle
Seasoned Vegetables with roasted Cherry Tomato
it's on the left.
Herbed Mashed Potato with Mozzarella chip
Mashed potato is shaped as to above. With melted mozzarella cheese made into chip.
it's on the right.
Bottom part would just be garnish - paprika, black pepper, white/black sesame seeds.
That's all for today:)
I feel accomplished.