♥ Numb Escape ♥
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Pamela Lim
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Thursday, February 26, 2009, 7:36 PM
I'm feeling fustrated deep inside.I'm feeling pain right inside.
I broke down.
I don't know why either.
Was supposed to end work at 4pm today, to claim 2 hours off for yesterday of which I worked 10 hours. Planned to meet Wanying for K, to sing my heart out today. But it was cancelled. They told me that today's food tasting will be at 5pm today. So I can't leave, I've got to stay. End up staying till 6.15pm. I was VERY LL there. Manager said that she'll come down for the food tasting, but end up also never turn up. If not long ago can start training already, and I can go off le.
It isn't because I didn't get my 2 hours back that's why I'm pissed off. It's simply because, it was a waste of time there. And since they know that I knock off at 4pm, why the hell manager put food tasting at 5pm? And NEVER TURN UP?!
In fact, what my chef said was true too. I'm there to learn, so it's okay, and not that they want me to stay or come back on my off day. Previously, I was cheated back also. That's true. But why the hell those people make things so last minute. With proper planning, all this wouldn't happen! And these people plan without back up plan? Never predict what would happen? Shit them.
Was already VERY VERY FUSTRATED, then quarrelled with mum at mrt over the phone. I hang her call. It's my fault, I admit. But seriously, I can't think.
I don't know what's wrong. I just felt like crying. And I can't stop crying. It's just 2 hours, and I felt very bad. They wasn't wrong. Instead, I'm the one at fault. Fuck, did wrong order, heard wrong thing. I was so damn screwed just now. It's my fault for raising my voice to mum just now. Seriously, I've already reason out everything, I understand. But I just feel like crying. The tears just rolled down. Even when I was in cab, start already, I held it back.
I didn't called anyone when I broke down. I don't want anyone to worry. I still feel very fucked up, screwed up.
I felt as though I need a hug then. I don't want mummy to see my cry, I don't want sis to see me cry. They will ask me to quit. I don't want. Quiting is not an action I'll do. I don't want to break mummy's heart.
I promised her, I'll give her good life in the future. I'll buy her flat, I'll get her a car to drive.
All I need to do is, hang on.